Hello, I know there is a hive of excitement amongst you guys, some of you are happy to be heading into university and colleges as soon as schools open. Some of you are excited that you have cleared your grade twelve exams and are also looking forward to the next stage which is college or university. I can almost smell the adrenalines passing by you guys at the mall. The young ladies in my home have become instantly overly responsible, no need to remind them of chores but are quickly doing what they need to do. It’s a good thing to be excited and look forward to what life has to offer.

To the ones who have not passed

This is not the end of your life; you can rewrite by registering and sitting for GCE examinations. Humble yourselves and study hard to be able to clear the subjects you will be resitting. And please note that not all parents can afford fancy tuition centres. If what your guardians can afford is tuition at a government institution, then so be it. Realise that money is not easy to come by, so this is not a time to play as you do the tuition. Study hard and you will clear the GCE examinations.

To the female school leavers

I know you are excited to have a new look, either dreads, sister looks or any other fancy hair styles I might not know the new names. We were also excited in our days; we permed our hair immediately after examinations. So, to the parents, let’s not be too harsh on our daughters, remembering what we did. Back to my girls, nieces, and daughters, as you head to college/university, remember why you are there. This is not a time to experiment the fashion industry. If you know your parents/guardians do not allow bum shorts at home, then do not wear bum shorts on campus. If you know that when you pierce your nose, tongue or naval or any other part of your body, it will require you hiding it from your parents/guardians when on vacation, then do not it. Whatsoever thing you do, ask yourself if your parents/guardians will be okay with it, if not, then do not do it. Besides, do you know that a child never grows in the eyes of a parent? This is wisdom that you will appreciate in a few more years to come.

Girls, you will notice that your body is still developing, the breasts are growing, your womanly shape is coming up, the hips and bums will be popping, well for most of you especially if in your family there are genes of big hips and bums. This is not a time for you to be excited, the boys or should I say the guys will begin to take notice of you. You will receive numerous invitations for ice cream or movies or simply a drink or a walk around campus. Let this not excite you and remember that not every invitation should be accepted. Ask yourself why the guy is inviting you, simply because he admires how you walk or dress or look. First year in college/university is not for dates. Trust me when I say, by second year, you will be getting to know your course mates and year three is kind of okay to do simple dates with them. There is always a rush by the guys in the final years to pick on first years, this is a trend in almost every high institution of learning. Just know that if you think it’s because you are beautiful that every other guy is asking you out, you are wrong. It’s because they know most first years are naïve and will jump at every opportunity to go on a date. Those butterfly feelings when a hot looking guy asks for your number are not worth it. As a mother and auntie, let me tell you a secret, “the butterfly feelings will always be there even on a tea date when you are 35 or 40 with someone worth it.”

During this period, your roommates or course mates might try to talk you into trying new things such as brightening your skin, we used to call it bleaching in my days but now it’s toning or brightening. Be proud of who you are and how God made you. Just as there are different colours in the world, different flowers, that is how our skin tone is as well. Besides, believe you me, black is beautiful and God did not make a mistake in you being born with the skin tone that you have, let no one ever make you feel that way. If all you can afford is a simple lotion and roll on, do not feel that you need an expensive perfume to fit in. If all you can afford is shopping from pep stores, then so be it and if it is salaula, then pick nice outfits from there. We all survived on salaula till we got jobs. Do not pressure your parents for new hairstyles, stick to what lasts longer like masai, besides these days, natural look is the thing, it gives the youthful and beautiful look, stick more to it. The idea of wanting to look like every other girl on campus will bring problems in your life as you will be easy prey for vultures (married men who prey on college students). A girl who seems to have it all will eventually introduce you to a vulture if you are ever admiring what others have and you cannot afford and these have consequences, not only is it wrong in the eyes of man but also in the eyes of God. Ask yourself before you even think of dating some elderly married man if your parents/guardians would approve.

Girls, the worst mistake you could ever make on campus life, is to listen to foolish advice of giving in to guys thinking that is how you prove your love. Why not let the guy be the one to prove his love by waiting for you to graduate and marry you before giving into sex? A moment of pleasure can bring you a life-long misery. Unwanted pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases that can bring infertility. Some friends would want to introduce you to the morning after pill or indeed just normal contraceptives. Girls, these contraceptives are meant for people spacing their children, we have a high rate of infertility due to abuse of contraceptives by college students and morning after pills which destroy your entire system when used at the wrong time. Remember they say “patience pays”, abstinence is still cool and the universe rewards those who do the right thing at the right time. Being on campus means no one will question you on whether you are going to church or not. So when you choose to sleep in the whole weekend, does it mean you were going to church for the sake of your parents? Do not forget the God who has brought you this far.

To the male school leavers

To those of you who are virgins at this stage of your life, congratulations. Campus life means proving to your buddies or hommies that you’re a man and most of you think sleeping with a girl makes you a man. A true man is one who can actually control his feelings and emotions. Don’t believe those stories guys make up. And there’s nothing wrong with lying to the guys that you have done it before just so they can leave you alone and not laugh at you. Campus life means you wanting to look cool for the girls, spending money on ice cream when it’s meant to buy you food for the semester and girls these days bring their friends along, meaning you spend more than your budget. Just like I advised the girls, first year of campus life is for you to make school points and get to know your course mates. Just because your roommates are playing pool by the campus social centre, doesn’t mean you should do it if it’s not your thing. Just because your roomie is puffing some smokes, does not seem to study and yet getting high grades, does not mean you should do the same. Just because your roomie has a PS5 and good headsets, does not mean you should pressure your parents/guardians to get the same for you. And always admiring what your roommates or friends own will turn you into a thief or crook.

People have different levels of understanding so if you require spending hours in the library for you to grasp a concept, then do it. Let no one cheat you that you require weed to concentrate when studying. Others have been unfortunate and found themselves psychotic after one smoke. Besides, it starts with a simple weed then you graduate to cocaine, or heroine. Others in trying weed have unknowingly smoked “volo” which is weed mixed with heroine and the danger with heroine is that you do it once and you are instantly hooked. There is everything cool about turning down an offer to smoke and it shows your mental and emotional strength as a human being.

To all school leavers, those resitting GCE, going to colleges or universities, let me once more remind you that this a huge step in shaping your future. How you will behave in the years to come will determine and mould your future. Remember that sisha smoking is still smoking, vaping is still smoking. Ciders are alcoholic and whatsoever things you do, think before you take action. Peer pressure is real especially in institutions of higher learning.

If you cannot do something in the presence of your parent/guardian, then do not do it at all!

About the author

Aka Monde, is a licensed Professional Counsellor who holds a Master of Science in Counselling from the University of Zambia. She believes in the adage “a problem shared, is a problem half solved.” Speak to your pastor, church elder, elderly family member or see a professional counsellor when in need.

Email: [email protected]