I DON’T think short people are naturally funny, but Dr Phiri wouldn’t have been this interesting if he was an inch taller.

Actually he gets upset sometimes when the master of ceremony asks him to stand and deliver his speech because he doesn’t think there is any much difference whether he is seated or standing.

And you know that thing they say about shot people always fighting to be noticed – Dr Phiri fancies recognition so much that he hates the idea of sitting in a tinted ministerial car where people can’t notice him.

In fact I think if he was tall enough to reach the top, he would have put a sofa on the roof rack of his Prado, apply some Vaseline and let the sun shine on his bald head for other motorists to watch their Honourable minister on the move.

But since he can’t do any of that, specially because you couldn’t still see him if he sank in a sofa, he has resolved to make it sink in you that he is the minister and he shall remain one until the fat man in UPND sings.

Dr John PHIRI: “In case you are wondering what I am doing here at this event after Parliament was dissolved last night, we thank God for the new Constitution of the Republic of Zambia. Whether by mistake or default, it is very clear that cabinet ministers will continue until they hand over to the next group of ministers. So you are stuck with us, whether you like it or not. This is why I came flapping the flag of Zambia to this occasion and I hope that our people understand.”

By the way, sorry if that’s not your picture; you need to understand that it’s hard to distinguish because the only difference between you and Danniel Munkombwe is that he chews with his gums while you like chewing gum.

Otherwise, your arrogance is just as pure as old Munkombwe’s. And if you are lucky, you will also lose all your teeth while still flapping the Republican flag because the fat lady in UPND is singing a wrong fat song.

GBM: “This so-called Chishimba Kambwili, the one who is fat like a pig, is always insulting us. Chishimba Kambwili has accused me that I instructed the government at that time that I should have a military escort. I want to clear this; it was the late Michael Sata who authorised me to use military escort but if I can ask Chishimba Kambwili, from the time I resigned, have I ceased to have an escort? In fact, I have more security personnel than what I had, kakapokola kamo naka soldier kamo. Now I have more than 10. If I want, I will increase the number to 50.”

Well, Mr vice-president, I don’t care if you get the entire Zambia Army to protect your large intestines, but let’s go back on your fat statement again, because unless you use a face powder mirror which doesn’t show the rest of you, I don’t see how you can compare Dr Kambwili’s fatness to a pig.

I am pretty much convinced that you meant to say Kambwili farts like a pig, which makes you look experienced in pig relations.

That’s it for today

Twitter: @jmwenda29
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