Relationships in the beginning are very sweet and rosy. Moonga felt like a king, he had married the most beautiful girl in the neighborhood. Shebo was not only kind but a radiant of beauty itself. It was as if heaven took its time on her to turn her into the most beautiful lady, she was what Eve probably looked like, perfectly made, with a smile that could make hunger go away.
But six months into their marriage, the Moongas could not agree on relatives visiting as Shebo believed their honeymoon should last 2 years. Two years of her walking freely in her own home with no thoughts of throwing a chitenge over. Meanwhile, Moongas clan were eager to visit and always making calls at each public holiday and when schools were closed. But Shebo knew better, she was in charge of the phones on the weekends and holidays and ensured the flat they rented was in a gated community you could not enter, without prior authorization. Although she was this strict, not wanting visitors in her honeymoon phase, she made sure as a couple, both her and Moonga paid visits to relatives from both sides on public holidays. This behaviour from Shebo brought about arguments now and then as Moongas relatives would tease him that the lozi wife had fed him a love portion and he was not in charge of his home as a bull. One day, coming home from a cocktail event, having taken more than his usual and after receiving a call from his sisters in a family group. He let out his anger on his new bride, all the bottled-up emotions that his family were saying about him failing to be in charge.
When a couple argues, does it mean love and passion are gone? Does the road ahead hold nothing more positive than passive aggression and mere tolerance? Despite how things might look, arguments can mean the love has reached a new height. When couples argue, it does not mean they hate each other and it could actually mean they loved each other more than when things were rosy.
When couples are extremely cautious of what to say and do around each other, it’s not a sign of love. It’s a sign that nobody wants to rock the boat because they’re afraid the other person is going to change their mind about the relationship.
The opening shots of a couple’s first real argument are a sign that each person knows they can voice their view without the relationship coming to a dramatic end. But by that point, the couple knows how much they love each other and will not let a few choice words ruin things. Therefore, arguing as a couple means each person is comfortable in the relationship.
Some couples look forward to the love-making that happens after an argument. This is not to say they deliberately argue but they realize that the love making after an argument can be so intense and passionate.
Arguments can also be a sign that a couple want to solve issues. In relationships, some couples avoid conflicts while others try to be neutral. One can know they are wrong but will never admit and others end up apologizing and taking the blame even when they are not on the wrong, for peace’s sake and because they love their partner too much or simply because they avoid arguments which drain their emotions.
In the absence of conflicts and arguments, people tend to have no real personality. Arguments or speaking ones mind makes you well known to your partner and you realize there is more to this person who sleeps besides me. An argument shows ones flaw to a partner and who knows, one might be attracted to those flaws hence bringing you closer to each other.
Couples who never argue likely haven’t reached that stage of deep, visceral love. Visceral love is a profound, instinctual affection felt in the body rather than just the mind, often described as a “gut feeling”. It is a raw, intense, and automatic emotion that bypasses rational thought, stemming from deep within the core rather than intellectual reasoning. Couples are drawn in by good conversation and practical things like appearance. But as the love grows, so does the emotion. Things become less logical and more intuitive. Arguing is a sign that a couple has entered a very raw, deep place – a place where love and anger can exist simultaneously.
And while on this topic, should one join or take sides in a fight between your partner and someone else. Stepping in often escalates the situation, makes you a target, and takes away your partner’s autonomy to handle their own conflicts. You might not have all the facts and jumping in can make you support wrong doings. Has your partner asked for help? You need to respect their ability to manage their own boundaries unless they have asked for your help. But if your partners safety is at risk, intervene immediately in a manner that will not point fingers or take sides but aim for conflict resolution. Your role is to stand with your partner as a united team against the issue, not necessarily against another person.
And if your partner is having a personal disagreement with a friend or family member that does not involve you directly, getting involved can blow the situation out of proportion and create lasting damage. In disagreements with family members, it’s actually advisable to watch and hear the views of your partner because you could end up being accused to fueling family divisions.
Seek help when in need, visit a Counsellor near you!
