According to Christianity, Jesus makes it clear in the parable of the Good Samaritan that a neighbour is anyone around us, regardless of their ethnic, religious or socio status. And that we are to love our neighbours in the same way we love ourselves. In loving ourselves and others, we shall do unto others that which we would want them to do unto us. We shall not break trust by lying and will not take what is not ours. Loving our neighbours is a serious business because it the basic physics of relationships.

Do you know how to be a good neighbour? If you are kind and respectful to the people who live near you, then I’m sure you are. But it would be interesting to know how your neighbours describe you, would they say you are a good neighbour? Perhaps your peaceful daily walk around your community is interrupted by a neighbour who craves conversation, needs a favor, or can’t help sharing all his problems. Isn’t there at least one of these in every neighbourhood?

Not to mention the people who drop by unannounced, keep barking dogs in their yards which poo on neighbours lawn as soon as they get an opportunity to outside the gate, smelly chickens or are constantly trying to sell something to you or are borrowing things that shouldn’t be borrowed such as a pressing iron or baking pans or a pounding motar (kabende) or maybe simply asking for salt or matches as our African tradition discourages this.

Setting boundaries, good neighbourly boundaries which allow us to respect one another’s individuality is a great start at being a good neighbour. People are raised differently or live under different circumstances. To those living in posh neighbours of big yards, you could stay in an area for 5 years without seeing or knowing your neighbour. To people in gated communities such as police camps, or those living in flats, it becomes easier to know all or most of the neighbours.

Always do your best to befriendly, after all, you don’t want to make an enemy on the street where you live even if your neighbours are always plucking your lemons or avocadoes without permission. Sometimes easiest thing to do smile at our neighbours is smile. In a society full of hate, bitterness, jealousy, envy, a genuine smile will go a long way in transferring kindness. Even as we encourage friendliness, set your boundary as you see fit. If you do not want children playing soccer on your lawn, let it be known and ask for cooperation. Sometimes its neighbours sitting under the tree on your property for long hours chatting, make it known that its unacceptable. And ladies, find your own maid/house keeper instead of stealing your neighbours.

It should go without saying: a good neighbour does not participate in gossip. A peaceful, friendly community simply doesn’t have room for it. Of course, there is the sharing of good news and bad among neighbours. When speculation and hearsay enter into the conversation, it’s time to change the subject or excuse yourself.

In our modern busy society, we are forgetting our ubuntu and not even attending funerals in the neighbourhood. These can serve as a means of getting to know our neighbours by introducing ourselves after the burial or at the actual funeral. To those hosting a party or function, extend the invitation to your neighbour as a way of reaching out instead of your neighbours been disturbed by chilanga mulilo drums all weekend, let them partake in the feast as well and should they turn down the invitation, the drums will not be irritating knowing you had extended an invitation.

With the crime rate in our society, your neighbour can come to your rescue when you have an emergency. Sometimes our children do a better job at making friendships and we could learn a thing from them. Let us allow our children to play and make friends in our neighborhoods unlike locking them up all the time. Most adults will attest that the best friendships are those we had with other children in our neighbourhoods as we were growing up.

A good neighbour will come up and inform you if your children or dependants are keeping bad company. Remember, “it takes a village to raise a child.” And children who are raised in the African cultural way in terms of morals will respect elders. This reminds me of students in universities who just walk in pathways and don’t give way to the elderly or those people in chain stores who pass and bump into you on queues and are not bothered at all.

While practicing being a good neighbour, there comes a time when the question to “mind your own business” arises. At times, neighbours can be aware of sexual abuse or incest happening next door but choose not to interfere. Sometimes knowing a woman is battered every weekend when the man comes from a drinking spree as you hear the screams in the next flat but you choose to ignore and not call the police. Its knowing a dependant is not given adequate food while biological children are taken out for meals, its knowing small children are left home alone all weekend while the parents or guardians go out partying but you choose to “mind your own business.”

Curiosity comes naturally, but the art is in knowing when to get involved, and when to let it be. When is it your business to participate in a situation? If reporting neighbours to the relevant authorities such as the police or social welfare is the right thing to do in cases where you suspect wrong doings are taking place, please do it. You will be doing your honest part in the world and being a good neighbour.

There are times when your emotions won’t let you mind your own business such as finding your married neighbour in a compromising situation, in such instances, be mindful of crossing the line. Being a good neighbour does not make us the moral prefect or a “deputy Jesus.” .

If you begin giving unwanted opinions and advice, it may only bring about resentment.

If your intention for getting involved is to make yourself feel better, you are not seeing the bigger picture. And the chances of hurting are more than the chances of helping.

Make sure you view the situation from all angles before involving yourself in something that doesn’t truly belong to you.

Special shout you to bamake Anna, who from just being a neighbour turned into a sister.

Seek help when in need, visit a Counsellor near you!

About the author

Aka Monde, is a licensed Professional Counsellor who holds a Master of Science in Counselling from the University of Zambia. She believes in the adage “a problem shared, is a problem half solved.” Speak to your pastor, church elder, elderly family member or see a professional counsellor when in need.

Email: [email protected]