Developing a strong mental fortitude

Dear Aka-Monde,

K.I.N.G

Dear King,

Failing an examination can indeed be devastating and take a toll on one’s mental health. The embarrassment when friends ask you how you performed, the disappointment from guardians and sponsors. There is absolutely no need to consider ending one’s life when one fails an examination. It is actually an opportunity to re-evaluate, strategize and plan one’s life. It is an opportunity to do things differently.

The world has some famous successful people who failed to finish what they set out to study but made serious achievements. We have Bill Gates who got distracted from his studies after creating a programming language, Steve Jobs who dropped courses to take up courses he liked, Oprah Winfrey who quit studies to take up a job though later on went back to finish her degree due to the pressure from her father and Mark Zuckerberg whom most of us know because he founded Facebook. These examples just go to show we can still make something of ourselves no matter the situation, we have the power to do things differently today in order to change tomorrow and not dwell on yesterday’s failures.

The first step to staying strong is to take a step back and assess the situation. Ask yourself why you failed the exam and what you could have done differently. Instead of dwelling on the past, focus on what you can do now to improve your performance in the future. Reflect on the good and bad aspects of your preparation, and identify what you need to do differently next time.

Once you’ve taken a step back and assessed the situation, it’s time to identify your strengths and weaknesses. Take stock of your current knowledge and skills and consider what areas you need to work on. This will help you pinpoint the areas where you need to focus your efforts. Make a list of the areas where you’re strong and the areas where you need to improve, and use this list to create a plan of action.

Focus on your strengths and use them to your advantage. Leverage your skills and knowledge to create a plan of action that will help you achieve your goals. At the same time, work on improving your weaknesses.

Once you’ve identified your strengths and weaknesses, it’s time to develop a new plan of action. Create a study plan that will help you reach your goals and stay motivated. Someone who is serious with improving their grades will not spend so much time on social media or vibing to music but will instead put in more effort in studying and understanding school work.

Also, make sure to create a timeline and study timetable for yourself and ensure you stick to it. This will help you stay organized and focused on your goals. When you’re feeling discouraged or unmotivated, it’s important to stay focused on your ultimate goal. Remind yourself why you’re doing this and why it’s important to you.

It can be easy to fall into the trap of negative self-talk after failing an exam, but it’s important to stay positive and focused on the things you can do to improve. Instead of focusing on what you could have done differently, focus on what you can do now to reach your goals.

When faced with negativity, self-care is your way out. Get regular exercise, eat healthy, and get enough sleep. This will help you stay focused and energized. Make sure to take regular breaks from studying and give yourself time to relax and recharge. Taking a break is an important part of staying motivated. Give yourself time to relax and unwind and do things that make you happy. Spend time with your family and friends, go for a walk, or take a break from studying.

When you’re feeling discouraged or unmotivated, it’s important to find new sources of motivation. Spend time with positive and supportive people and surround yourself with positive energy. Read inspirational books, listen to motivational podcasts, or watch motivational videos.

It’s also important to find new hobbies and activities that will help you reach your goals. Take up a new sport, learn a new language, learn how to bake or sew. And allow yourself to celebrate the effort you are putting in, getting yourself on your feet by celebrating the small wins.

Students usually have the impulse to discuss with peers immediately after an exam and deliberate over every question. Fixating on what you think you missed will not help you after the exam is over. Let it go. I personally never studied using past papers as a student because they made me feel demotivated when I didn’t know the answer.

Exercising improves mood by producing endorphins and reducing stress hormones like cortisol. So put on your sneakers and get exercising, you can always take a long walk if you have no gym membership or turn the music on and dance till you sweat.

Counteract your negative emotions with positive ones by reaching out to your loved ones, especially those who have a special gift for knowing exactly what to say or do to make you laugh. Distract yourself with humor by watching a good comedy or listening to your favourite music.

Accepting that you can’t change the past, and focusing on what you can control: the future can mitigate the damage or take the test again? How can you study differently for the next exam? Assess what went wrong, and plan to improve. Use this moment as a learning opportunity, and forget what could have been. You are not a failure by simply failing a test.

Mental fortitude, is the ability to have strength in the face of adversity. When you’re knocked down, to get back up and fight. When you’re struggling, tried, bored to keep your eye on the goal and continue working forward, to show up even when you don’t feel like it. Mental fortitude is having unwavering self-belief and perpetual motion to the one true goal.

When dressed in plain clothes, a footballer like Barbara Banda will act like any other youth, put her on the pitch and that’s when you can see her skill and what she can do with a ball. At rest, someone with immense mental fortitude would seem like any other individual, but put them under pressure, you will see how easily they come out victorious, by not only surviving but triumphing.

Fortitude is not something we are born with, a bit like muscles or physical fitness. We can all build mental fortitude by perseverance and endurance. The benefit with developing mental fortitude in one area is that it transfers into others and allows you to cope with tough situations.

Mental fortitude isn’t a tangential thing, you can’t read a book and suddenly have fortitude, it’s an internalised intangible fire that exists in your soul. It’s not a simply a toolkit you can switch on when things get tough, it’s deeper than that, it’s existential, learnt though trial.

Mental fortitude isn’t built over night, it’s built over years, with incrementally increasing challenges and learnings along the way. Don’t run before you can walk, set yourself a challenge that you have a passion for and can commit to work towards. Measure yourself against your own ability and work.

If you want to build mental fortitude you must know yourself, your weaknesses, flaws, strengths and crucially the way your brain works. It’s not as simple as just getting on a bike and riding to build physical fitness. If you are an anxious person, you will need to address this. If you are arrogant, you will need to address this, and so on for different personality traits. This is why building mental fortitude is so hard, it requires us to look in the mirror and make a critical assessment and understanding of ourselves.

Therapy, counselling, psychology, talking, help to understand yourself better. When an individual is feeling demotivated and suicidal, its best to go for therapy. When a car is broken, you take it to the garage, when you have a gynae issue, you see a gynaecologist, when your sight is giving your trouble, you see an optician, there is absolutely nothing wrong with seeing a psychologist or therapist when your mind feels overwhelmed.

True mental toughness is also about adaptability, learning from experiences, and not being afraid to step out of your comfort zone.

The five steps to developing mental toughness can be summarized as:
1. Self-awareness: Understanding your strengths, weaknesses, and emotional triggers
2. Motivation: Having a clear sense of purpose and motivation to achieve your goals
3. Focus: The ability to concentrate on tasks despite distractions or setbacks
4. Resilience: The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties and adapt to change
5. Attitude: Maintaining a positive, growth-oriented mindset that sees challenges as opportunities for growth
A common misconception is that mental toughness means having no emotions or being insensitive to stress and pain. In reality, mental toughness involves acknowledging and effectively managing emotion, not suppressing them.

Another misconception is that mental toughness is an innate trait that can’t be developed. However, mental toughness can be cultivated and strengthened over time through practice and persistence.

Some people believe that being mentally tough means never needing help, but seeking support and guidance is actually a sign of strength. And did you know, that the most powerful force in the universe is a human who refuses to quit?

Seek help when in need, visit a counsellor near you!

About the author

Aka Monde, is a licensed Professional Counsellor who holds a Master of Science in Counselling from the University of Zambia. She believes in the adage “a problem shared, is a problem half solved.” Speak to your pastor, church elder, elderly family member or see a professional counsellor when in need.

Email: [email protected]