Dear Aka- Monde,

Your article reminded me of an incident that happened to me in my college days at one of the Public Colleges in Lusaka where I was doing a three-year diploma course. It was in my second year of study that I started getting along with one of my roommates. I was accommodated in a block that took in three beds and there were three of us in the room. One of the roommates was my tribes mate so we clicked immediately while the other one kept to herself. It happened that I was a virgin but due to my hyper nature my roommates never suspected. For privacy’s sake, I will call my friendly roomie, Sandra. One day, Sandra invited me to accompany her on a double date. I must say I was excited but pretended to be calm. As you might be aware, Friday nights on colleges are usually quite nights as most students go out to have fun. A few Lusaka dwellers would go home but even most of the Lusaka dwellers I knew, didn’t really go home but made trips to Siavonga or weekend outs with their boyfriends. I now felt this was a time for me to stop spending Friday nights alone for once. Our other roomie, Violet, would always say she was visiting her auntie in one of the suburbs but we knew better due to the kind of romantic parcels she came back with.

So, we prepared ourselves for the date and I remember having a wash and set at the local school saloon, it was actually shocking to see the queue at the saloon as the young college girls prepared to do night outs. Our pickup finally came and I must say the gentlemen looked presentable in their suits. The young me didn’t bother to ask my roomie much about the guys who were taking us out until we reached northmead where we ordered some food at one of the filling stations. I was shocked to see how night life was out there as if it was broad day light. Later on, we proceeded to one of the clubs, I clearly can’t remember the name but we must have entered two or more night clubs before we settled in one. Drinks were ordered and you should have seen the look on my roomie’s face when I ordered a fanta. I had never tasted alcohol and that night was not about to be my first time. I envisioned that the first alcohol I would ever taste would have to be champagne and on a really romantic honeymoon on the Bahamas or Hawaii. I think literature in secondary school had its effect on my imagination.

My roomie, Sandra, later moved to the dance floor with her date and I remained with this Congolese looking guy, he did smell good but didn’t quite fit the description of my “guy.” My kind of guy was mills and boon type of guy in cowboy boots and I sure wasn’t ready for suits, I guess this was the 18 year old me thinking. Anyway, we sipped our drinks and he was drinking a Mosi which he didn’t seem to enjoy. Later, I felt a hand on my thigh, I can’t quite describe how it felt but it sure didn’t send butterflies to my stomach and so, I knew it was wrong. I imagined the first time someone tried to be romantic to me, I would be excited. Instead, here I was pushing away someone’s hand. He tried it three or four more times and he started sweating profusely in anger. He then demanded that he had already paid for me and expected better than this behaviour. I was in for a rude shock! Paid already? To whom and for what? My survival instincts kicked in quickly and I told him it’s better we move to a lodge near school. I knew a few lodges near campus due to the stories we heard on Monday mornings when the students were back from the “weekend.” Luckily, this man agreed, and I decided to put him in a serious conversation to make him believe I was interested in whatever it is he wanted. We got to a lodge in Rhodes park near school and sat in the gardens, still me with my fanta which I guarded jealously in case he spiked it. I excused myself to go to the bathroom and this was my opportunity to run for my life. How I run in heels to College without the fear of being attacked is something I will never understand, I guess adrenaline was in full effect. I do not know how long it took me but in no time, I was back struggling to open my room. I had never felt so relieved to be back safe on my tiny single bed.

The next day, Sandra walked in smiling with so many parcels and asked me how my evening was seeing I had disappeared from the northmead club. I blasted at her for selling me without my knowledge and she swore she didn’t know anything, so I made her call her boyfriend who ended up apologising and said he didn’t put me up for sale but just wanted a girl for his friend who was in town for a workshop. I was so mad, I can’t remember what else I said but I do know that I gave him a good piece of my mind. The next thing I saw was that he sent me a lot of talk time to my phone. From that experience, weekends were spent at my parents’ home, I made sure I caught a bus to Chilanga every Friday evening and returned to School on Monday mornings.

I have daughters now and one of them is a school leaver, your article reminded me that I need to have that “chat” with her about the realities of life as she heads into university.

Monica.

Dear Monica,

Thanks for sharing your experience, indeed, as parents, we need to understand that we are role models for our children. Every word, movement and action is watched and has an effect on their lives. No other person has a greater influence on a child than a parent/guardian. It is, therefore, our duty and obligation to teach our children, life lessons and realities. Unlike in the past, we cannot depend on an uncle or auntie somewhere to come and have that “chat” with our young ones. Remember, the greatest gift we can give our children is self-confidence and by teaching young people to stand up for what is right!

About the author

Aka Monde, is a licensed Professional Counsellor who holds a Master of Science in Counselling from the University of Zambia. She believes in the adage “a problem shared, is a problem half solved.” Speak to your pastor, church elder, elderly family member or see a professional counsellor when in need.

Email: [email protected]