MY BOSS told me that I was ugly and that my face was not fit for TV, singer Kachanana Simate recalls about her stint at ZNBC.
In an emotive Facebook posting yesterday, Kachanana reveals how her boss made her break down in tears five minutes before going on air.
She says she was pushed to have dental surgery in order to improve her image and now wants to encourage other people to love themselves just as they are.
Below is her full posting:
“One day my boss at the time at znbc called me into her office. she seemed angry i wasnt sure why. i had tried all manner of ways 2 make my work as perfect as possible but it never pleased her… she told me these words;
i dnt knw who u knew or wat u did for u 2 b employed here. u are not tv material. u are so ugly. yr skin is so dark yr the lighting pipo struggle 2 light yr skin, your teeth are so disgusting i feel like puking… u talk too much on tv and yr voice is so high pitched, its irritating. you dont deserve 2 be here. you are too ugly for tv yr skin is too dark for tv… she went on like this for 1hr45min.
Within that one sided conversation, some things were so painful 2 hear i would zone out and zone back in to find her still expressing her hate for all about me… until the then head of studio technicians knocked on her door. he had come to tell her that the presenter of the next live show had not showed up. it was me. she released me in that state of mind 2 go and do a live tv show. when i walked out i was so weak i walked into the next office. thankfully a friend was seated in there.
i couldnt tell her why… dear God where 2 even start from… but she was there comforting me. time was ticking. in 5min i had 2 b live. i went to the bathroom washed my face i couldnt look in the mirror… then i walked 2 the studio. 1minute to the show i was failing 2 read my script. 20 seconds countdown.
i did what i always did, say a prayer, smile with that disgusting smile and started the show. all went well, guests were happy audience was happy but me, i was miserable. i drove home.
i slept in bed for 2days, didnt care about work. only getting up 2 bath and eat. the bathing was painful… why did God make me this way. I hated God. i loathed him for making me a joke. for giving me a talent in a field i did not fit in. Why God? is this a joke? i hate u. and i cried again. i hate u God.
on the third day, just like Jesus i rose again. ok what can i do? the teeth were my fault due to sucking my thumb into my teens. i remembered someone recommending this dentist… i went to see her… Dr Njai. she had a talk with me and during that talk i just started crying. she said she understood… how could she? she had perfect teeth and a light skin. she told me it wasnt like that all her life. she showed me how she had fixed her own teeth…. i was now amazed… dentist fixing yr own teeth??? i had dentist phobia but i put that aside. she put wires in my mouth i was to where them for the next six months but i could take them off during my shows. i went home… six more months of ugly duckling life.
i looked in the mirror at my skin. i remembered a girl i went with at school.. much darker than me but she was the prettiest in class… hmmm God doesnt make mistakes. i watched some videos of me on tv, no, God didnt make a mistake with that voice either. i am sorry God. after 4months dr Njai removed the wires she was supposed 2 put new ones for the next three months… it wasnt a perfect smile but it was way better… i didnt even want the rest of the treatment… imperfection creates character. i was happy. i usually dont pry into pipos personal life but i checked out ba bosses life, she was miserable in her personal/romantic life… elo for good reason. her misery she was projecting on me…
so i should be miserable with her. Ha! i will never allow anyone to downgrade the works of God again. i am perfectly me.last night was booked to perform for 1hr, i performed for 4 and made more money, because the audience wouldnt leave and wanted more and more…. meanwhile other miserable human beings were on facebook participating in a ‘roast’ of me, 90% of which was how ugly they think i am becoz i am dark lol i wonder if there are any white pipo criticised for being to white… anyway…i feel sorry for u. I pray u will find the inner peace and personal acceptance and Joy i have found. Becoz to this day and any day forward… no amount of hate from a human being shall ever phase me. thankyou.