Brian was in his second marriage, his first marriage ended due to unreconcilable differences. Trouble started when his business went down and his wife became the bread winner. Now that he was in his second marriage and things were not going very well, he was afraid to end his marriage as he feared society would judge him harshly that he was probably the reason his first marriage ended. In his second marriage, he was dealing with an alcoholic wife. When he met Tabitha, he had no idea she was an alcoholic. She somehow managed to hide her drinking habits until months into the marriage. Brian was running some bars and allowed his wife to supervise one of the bars at a prominent mall in Chalala. When he noticed that his wife was drinking every day and not being in the mood at night, he brought up the topic of her drinking and she promised to change. When no change was forthcoming, he threatened her with a legal separation, and this is when she reduced her drinking. He had thought she had stopped until when he came across hidden empty bottles in their pantry and upon enquiry, he learnt that she started drinking in the morning as soon as he left for work and stopped in the late afternoon when she drunk so much water to try and kill off the alcohol. The sad part of his wife’s drinking was that even when she was pregnant, she would hide small sachets of alcohol in her handbag as she went for antenatal and slipped them into her juice.

Brian wondered how he would help his wife and somehow, he learnt that Chainama Hills Hospital offered assistance. He tried suggesting to the wife that they utilize the government affordable service, but his wife did not want to be associated with a mental hospital. The only times she reduced on alcohol intake was when he threatened separation. At some point, he tried engaging her family and he had a rude shock to see that most of the family members who attended that meeting were smelling of alcohol as they came for the meeting. He could literally tell that this was a family of alcoholics. One of the uncles had the audacity to ask him where he met his wife and he mentioned it was at one of his bars, and he was reminded that since he met her at a bar, he should have known better that his wife and alcohol were inseparable. And so, Brian had to endure living with a wife who smelled of alcohol in bed and this was a serious turn off for him. To be able to do his duties when the pressure was too much for him, he would also take a few bottles before going to bed just so he could stand the stench from his wife. The thought of taking his wife to a private rehab crossed his mind but after enquiries, he realized it was too expensive because the decent rehab was costing around K15, 000.00 per month and seeing how the economy was fairing, his business was not even making that much per month and he had to give child support monthly to his ex-wife.

Taking too much alcohol in the long run interferes with the brain’s communication pathway and affects how the brain works. It affects one’s mood and behaviour and affects body coordination. It affects the heart over a long time and can lead to high blood pressure or a stroke. The common knowledge that most people know is how the liver gets damaged by liver hepatitis. It causes the pancreas to produce toxic substances and affects one’s digestion when the pancreas is inflamed. Scientists now believe that alcohol is strongly associated with several types of cancer such as the throat cancer, lung cancer or liver cancer. Studies also show that women who consistently take alcohol have a higher risk of developing breast cancer than women who do not drink at all. Generally, people who take a lot of alcohol have weak bones and muscles. Alcohol also affects libido and fertility and in the long run weakens one’s immunity.

Counselling is the skilled and principled use of relationship to facilitate self-knowledge, emotional acceptance and growth and the optimal development of personal resources. The overall aim is to provide an opportunity to work towards living more satisfyingly and resourcefully. Counselling relationships will vary according to need but may be concerned with developmental issues, addressing and resolving specific problems, making decisions, coping with crisis, developing personal insights and knowledge, working through feelings of inner conflict or improving relationships with others.

Seeking counselling in the Zambian setup is a norm reserved for married people or the “rich”. Most individuals find themselves before a counsellor because they are about to enter marriage or are in a marriage crisis. The only other times that most people seek counseling is when the issue of HIV testing arises. Meanwhile, counselling in our everyday life is something one must consider whenever need arises. It could be a child struggling to cope with the loss of a parent, sibling, or any close family member, it could be anyone who has found themselves in need of rehabilitation after being involved in an accident. It could be someone who has lost a job and has no idea what next to do. It could be a student struggling to cope with schoolwork. It could be an individual who is about to retire and has no idea what to expect after waking up the past 25 years or more reporting for work and now must stay home. It could be an individual who has been retrenched and has no idea what to do next. It could be someone who has been divorced and is devasted. It could be a couple struggling with infertility. It could be parents who have given birth to a child with a disability.

People respond differently to crises or grief. Others have found themselves with mental breakdowns after losing a loved one. Others after a divorce, are just never the same. Our country is currently battling issues of drug addiction amongst the youth, the government hospital that can offer affordable rehabilitation is shunned by people, no one wants to be associated with a mental hospital. But this is where affordable treatment can be found, not everyone can afford drug rehabilitation offered by private institutions and so many families do not take their relatives to the government mental hospital to seek help.

Let us normalize and prioritize our mental health by utilizing services from Chainama Hills Hospital if you are depressed, battling addictions or fighting anxiety or just in need of therapy. It is affordable and has the best mental health personnel, therapists and counsellors.

Seek help when in need, talk to a counsellor near you!

About the author

Aka Monde, is a licensed Professional Counsellor who holds a Master of Science in Counselling from the University of Zambia. She believes in the adage “a problem shared, is a problem half solved.” Speak to your pastor, church elder, elderly family member or see a professional counsellor when in need.

Email: [email protected]