Mutinta thought Moonga would have popped the question in 2024. But this was 29th December and as she lay in her bed, she wondered where and how things went wrong. Wasn’t she marriage material? She was a decent church girl who faithfully gave tithe and wondered why all her friends were getting married while every guy she dated, even the seemingly good ones from church would never take it as far as asking for her hand in marriage.
Kando thought he would be stable at 50 years of age. He had looked forward to the new age and as the year was coming to an end, so many questions ran on his mind. He had loans he was still paying for, college fees for his two sons and supporting his elderly mother and all the dependants living with her. There was no way he could stop sending monthly support to his mother in the rural areas of Kaoma and he knew that the little support he was sending was feeding an entire clan as his elder sister with her five children and four grandchildren were all dependant on his mother.
Steve was embarrassed to be driving his wife’s pink Vitz. As an unemployed former banker, life was hard and he sold his car to be able to electrify and wire his unfinished house so that he could provide shelter for his family. The Vitz he had bought for his wife on her 30th birthday was now their only means of transportation. His wife was awaiting to be employed as a nurse and in the outskirts of Lusaka where they were residing, it was not easy to find a private clinic to employ her so she would volunteer at the local clinic to keep herself busy whilst selling thrift clothes online, a business that was feeding the entire family and Steve was the one in charge of deliveries to the nearest pick up points for customers.
With 2024 having come to an end, many people did not reach some milestones or achieve the goals they set out to achieve in the year. Some may look at this as failure but I say, there is no room for failure but an opportunity to learn on how else to do and plan things in 2025.
With the goals we had set out for 2024, whether professional or personal, we need to learn to embrace each experience as a learning curve.
Having set a goal doesn’t mean we cannot change it. When a goal feels overwhelming or becomes depressing because we are failing or have failed to achieve it, remember that just trying to achieve the goal is half the battle. If there is need to shift the focus, go ahead, adjust, re-adjust. You alone can control how you feel and where to place your energy. Your determination defines your success. All of us have different definitions for success, to some success is simply owning a grocery store, being a parent, owing a barbershop, a saloon, being able to roof the house with the simplest iron sheets, getting a job as a cleaner in government or affording three meals a day.
One of life’s challenges is learning to adapt to unfulfilled goals. These goals can be defeated due to grief, when divorce strikes or we get stricken by illnesses or a tragic accident that leaves one disabled. One gets married and finds out they cannot have children or after saving yourself as a virgin, to find you marry a narcissist partner who makes you question the existent of God.
Further, handling unfulfilled goals means acknowledging the disappointment, understanding the reasons behind not achieving the goals and then setting new achievable goals that align with one’s current priorities.
Successfully dealing with defeated goals is not just about moving on but discovering what the goal or dream meant. What core of your personality did it represent? Carry that need forward in a new way. The need for a promotion may not be about you needing more money but perhaps wanting to have the power to make creative decisions. The need to start a business may be you wanting to have freedom to manage your time as a business owner.
Examine why the goal was important in the first place and if those values it held can be fulfilled in a different way. Recognise the factors that hindered you from achieving a particular goal, was it lack of time, fear of failure or unrealistic expectations or simply negative thoughts that held you back. Accept that setbacks are part of life as you focus on what the learned experience is. Analyse what went wrong and strategise better.
The focus should be progress and not perfection, just the fact that you made strands towards the goal is good enough. Do not dwell on the negative emotions as misery always wants company and it can consume you.
To that spouse that failed to stay faithful and if staying faithful was your goal in 2024, try again in 2025.
To the people who struggle with gambling and keep failing to stop, we can win the battle if we put our mind to it.
To that person who struggles with masturbation and trying to break away from it, it’s never to too late, you can break free if you truly choose to.
To that person who thinks they will never get a job and have given up on sending applications, there is that one job meant for you and you will miss it if you stop trying. So keep sending in those applications.
To the substance abuser, only you can make a decision to stop. Keep away from triggers which are bad friends and places that make you abuse whatever it is you are using. You can win the fight if you truly want to change.
To that woman who promised she would walk away from the abuse and not hide it from her loved ones, it’s not worth it. Let them know how he abuses you and you can be helped. Marriage wasn’t meant to hurt.
To that person that cannot do without alcohol, there is help for you but only if you are willing to make the change.
To that student that wants to improve grades, there is no super – secret, study hard and you will make it.
To those business entrepreneurs, no money multiplying schemes work, put in your best and ignore the mountain visits that promise to boost your sales.
To those struggling with weight, adjust the goal to a realistic timeframe, focus on a sustainable lifestyle. We can do it!
To those thinking you will never get a promotion, analyse your skills and identify areas for improvement. Seek feedback from your manager and enroll in relevant training. Don’t give up!
To that person battling with grief after having lost a spouse, parent, child or sibling, it’s not easy but time will heal us as the universe comforts us.
Remember that improving by just 1% everyday starting 1st January 2025, will accumulate to 365% by 31st December 2025.
As for me, my goal has always been, to leave a positive impact on everyone I meet. Whether it be a smile, a laugh or a changed heart. And like a wildflower, allow myself to grow in all places that seemed impossible.
Congratulations in advance for the achievements we will make in 2025!
Seek help when in need, visit a counsellor near you!
Any names or resemblance to actual persons in this article is purely coincidental
About the author
Aka Monde, is a licensed Professional Counsellor who holds a Master of Science in Counselling from the University of Zambia. She believes in the adage “a problem shared, is a problem half solved.” Speak to your pastor, church elder, elderly family member or see a professional counsellor when in need.
Email: [email protected]
