FIRSTLY I would like to apologise to Mr Kaizer Zulu on behalf of all his critics.

Sir, we have been very inconsiderate when condemning your temper, because we thought you were just an emotional, arrogant animal who doesn’t care about humanity.

Little did we know that because of your hard work, you actually miss meals at State House and have to eat your dinner at hotels at 03:00 hours because you also probably find people are already asleep at home.

I was touched to learn that even at 03:00hours sir, you couldn’t even be allowed to freely enjoy your dinner. You had to jealously guard your sumptuous meal because mibabe like Enock Kavindele Jr were drooling at your food.

Background for those who missed.

On Saturday around 03:00 hours, Mr Kaizer, having knocked off from work the previous day, went to Chrismar Hotel so that he could eat his dinner.

While he was at this table with his dinner, a fat man, suspected to be former vice-president Enock Kavindele’s son, approached Mr Kaizer and started disturbing his meal.
Now, let’s pause right here and appreciate the sequence of events leading to the next episode of the night.

Have you ever longed for dinner so desperately that you can decide to follow it at a hotel even if it is as late, or rather as early as 03:00 hours, until you eat it?

I can tell you, I wouldn’t allow, not even a fly which I know can’t finish a lump to touch my food. Now you can imagine, a mubabe like Kavindele Jr, salivating over your food and actually coming to grab it away from you.

Ladies and gentlemen, if the meal that got Mr Kaizer all the way to the hotel at 03:00 hours was so finger licking-good that he could not wait for 06:00 hours in time for his wife to cook him breakfast, then please understand his next actions.

Firstly, this fat man called Kavindele Jr should be ashamed because his father is very rich and he actually keeps lions because there are not enough human beings to finish the food in his house. So, what interest did he have in this particular dinner belonging to Mr Kazier? Shame on you Kavindele Jr for embarrassing your father in that manner!

Anyway, so what happened next is that Mr Kaizer stood up, as a man aught to do, faced this Kavindele intruder and told him to f**k off and leave his dinner alone.

Junior Kavindele tried to show that his father was once number two in this country and started behaving funny, but Mr Kaizer was more than equal to the task, because he knows that if you really love your dinner, you must be ready to take a bullet for it – or better still, give someone a bullet if you have to.

Once again Mr Kaizer, I am sorry for misunderstanding your anger, you have every right, sir, to protect your dinner if it means so much to you.

On that note, I would like to offer advise to my brother Chilufya Tayali. My friend, I know the last time you talked with Mr Kaizer, your conversation had more “F” words than your grade 12 certificate, but there is something you can learn from my President’s adviser.

Next time you decide to also follow your dinner at the Barn Motel, make sure Kavindele Jr is not following you. This man seems to like other people’s dinners.

That’s it for today