Conqueror of a democratic Empire

FATHER Stephen Mwape, please calm down; you don’t have to swear on your life when announcing your preparedness to wreak vengeance on the PF for swindling you.

I can imagine how annoyed you are after my President promised you that he would handover the Chawama football pitch to your church, and some foolish deputy mayor (as you call him) decides to take advantage of my President’s absence to allocate plots on your land.

Before we go too far, let me make it clear that I blame it on your mouth Fr Mwape. It’s your fault that you and your fellow katolikas were duped, because you spoke too soon. Let me remind you.

When my President was elected into office, you were blinded by love, and never realized that he could have been lying through his iconic teeth.

It’s you who said those criticizing my President will never rule this country because they are jealous people, and I still agree with you up to now.

Exactly, this is what you said: “Ignore those writing negative things about you. You have a huge role of developing this country. Let them criticize, they will never rule.”
So where has your bitterness come from now?

Fr Stephen MWAPE: “Go and tell Edgar Lungu that he has started a battle with the Catholic Church and we are ready to fight him in 2016. Uwafulwa, lwakwe, I don’t care because namuntendeka. Pantu niba deputy mayor, icipuba, mulebatina; with me kaleza kaning’ambe, I am ready for you in 2016. Muyemumwebe, mukamuuze ati you are fighting a losing battle.”

So at first, this father Mwape saw Martin Luther King in my President, and all over a sudden, he is seeing Idi Amin? Strange!

Well, this is what I tell my friends all the time; never tell a woman that you love her until you see her sisters. You may think she is the best in her family, and your impatient mouth will cause you to live the rest of your life with a regrettable decision.

Today father Mwape feels my President’s rule has now been characterized by human rights abuses, political repression, corruption, and gross economic mismanagement.

Maybe he is right, my President has turned out to be the Idi Amin of our country, but whose fault is it that we believe what he says?

Father Mwape, let me tell you what Idi Amin’s most famous quote was: “Sometimes people mistake the way I talk for what I am thinking.” (You can google this if you think I am making things up).

So when my President says, “Don’t worry about the economy, kwacha, load-shedding”, Remember Idi Amin Baba!

In fact, I like it when people begin to liken my President to that Ugandan son of a gun, for one particular reason. Idi Amin promoted himself to Field Marshal when he became President, to emphasise the fact that he had unquestionable authority over his military state.

I hereby propose to you my President that you promote yourself to State Counsel, or even Supreme State Counsel. That way, you will unquestionably counsel yourself over governance matters without Wynter Kabimba raising a finger at you.

Remember that after the British withdrew from Uganda, Amin declared that he had defeated the imperialists, and added “CBE” to his title, meaning “Conqueror of the British Empire.”

Like wise, I suggest to you my President that you upgrade your status to: Edgar Chagwa Lungu, Supreme State Council, Order of Distinguished Service, and Conqueror of a once democratic Empire.

That’s it for today

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