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Chama urinary pipelineBy Joseph Mwenda on 13 Dec 2016
JUST when I was about to give up reading Chibamba Kanyama’s Business and Finance column, it has finally paid off. Thanks to you uncle CK, I am now thinking outside the box.
Soon, my grandfather and I will be millionaires and we are already making business cards, as you advised uncle CK, for our growing business empire.
The directive by Mr Davies Chama ordering those in opposition who are complaining about load-shedding to go and urinate in Kariba Dam, could not have come a better time than now.
But since these opposition leaders are petty, they will accuse you of insulting Zambians, instead of seeing how many job opportunities you have created by that statement alone.
Anyway, once you are done whining, ba opposition, visit my grandfather’s mobile modification initiative while he is still offering promotional rates, because to be able to reach across the lilies and urinate in the Kariba, you will need serious enlargements and elongations.
If Transnet South Africa were thinking outside the box like me, they would suspend the construction of their Ndola-Lusaka Oil Pipeline and instead lay a Chama Urinary Pipeline from all political party secretariats into Lake Kariba – so that all those who don’t have the means to travelling to Siavonga can use his Pipe.
Zambia Breweries will be laughing at this, but if my uncle CK was still working there, he would have convening an emergency management meeting, instead, to double Chibuku production because Henry Kapata at Zesco will demand that the greasy urine going into Kariba must be as thick as Shake Shake so that as it passes through the generators, it must also oil the turbines.
Now, this is what we call real job creation and unity of purpose.
I only have one problem though; my grandfather doesn’t have a private place where to conduct this imminent booming business.
But that shouldn’t really be a big problem, right? Since the Catholic Church, the Council of Churches in Zambia and many clergy have refused to be associated with the National House of Prayer, please Dr Roland Msiska, give it to us. Lets enter into what my uncle CK calls Public Private Partnership.
All taxes, or should I say tithe, from our business will be reinvested into the Kariba Fish Detox Plant that we will build, so that we don’t poison innocent fish loving people like my President.
One more thing; I still have not figured out the name for my grandfathers business, and I am open to suggestions, but I was thinking something like, National Enlargements Tabernacle Engineering Miracle Centre.
That’s it for today
About Joseph Mwenda
Joseph Mwenda is a Zambian journalist experienced in political news writing, photography and video editing.
Email: joseph [at] diggers [dot] news
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