Henry relied on his wife to ascertain his HIV status. He knew his movements were not ok so whenever his wife did the yearly HIV testing at her work place he knew he was safe. His blood pressure was always high near the 1st of December because he knew that it was time to know his own status, he forgot the aspect of discordant couples.

Sepo had been a bit careless with her life. Working for an NGO that dealt with HIV cases, she understood HIV to be a disease like any other but let her own guard down by discarding the use of condoms with her boyfriend three months down the line when she didn’t know his status. When her immunity started going down, persistent flu, chlamydia break outs every now and then, she knew she had to re-test herself. From the usual testing that she would do with her workmates at lunch hour, she got a kit and went to test herself in the car. The results showed her worst fears, so she went home, got blood from her niece so that she could always pretend that was her sample. Every three months, she would use the same tester from her niece and pretend it was hers. Before she found out that she was living with HIV, she looked on people who were living with HIV in a rather negative way especially those who acquired it carelessly by not using protection in sexual relationship, for married couples, she didn’t blame them because it’s not easy to know what your spouse is up to during the course of the day. Without realising it, she was judgmental even though she was a health worker. She was also devastated to a point where she could no-longer enjoy a good sex life even though she knew that going on medication would give her undetectable viral load which wouldn’t allow transmission of the virus to any partner who was negative. Sepo was now worried about finding marriage even if she had met and counselled a good number of couples who were HIV positive and she knew that discordant couples existed and that being HIV positive in this time and age could not stop one from marrying with the advancement of medicines available. She begun to self-stigmatise.

HIV is a disease that not only affects physical health but also carries a heavy psychological burden, primarily through self-stigma. Self-stigma can lead to low self-esteem, helplessness, and social isolation, weakening resilience or an individual’s ability to survive and adapt to life’s challenges.

When you find out you are living with HIV, it can be difficult to shake off some ideas that maybe you deserve your diagnosis. If you feel this way, it’s important to question and challenge these thoughts and feelings. HIV support organisations or any local clinics providing ART services can help you raise your awareness and understanding and provide access to peer support and networks as you develop strategies to live a full and healthy life. HIV is still fundamentally linked with somehow having done something wrong, because it’s mainly sexually transmitted so some people assume the blame and say if only I didn’t have the pleasure, then I wouldn’t be in this state.

Self-stigma is characterised by profound feelings of shame, worthlessness and, at times, thoughts of suicide. HIV self-stigma can manifest itself in many ways – from worrying about how a friend might feel if you shared a drink with them to fear of your HIV status being known in the workplace.

HIV stigma at the individual level can be expressed as ‘self-stigma’, ‘self-limiting beliefs’ or ‘internalised stigma’ and can also be a consequence of ‘anticipated stigma’, i.e., where the individual’s fear of stigma is greater than what would be experienced.

HIV self-stigma has been shown to affect a person’s ability to live positively, adherence to treatment and access to health services, and to diminish quality of life in general. Furthermore, self-stigma can be a self-fulfilling prophecy where an individual’s negative attitude and beliefs affect how they are treated.

Self-stigma occurs when a person with a stigmatised condition is aware of public stigma and internalises the negative beliefs in society and accepts their validity. In this case, we could say self-stigma is the product of public stigma. The fear of being gossiped about and this is often from people with high levels of self-stigma who assume people will reject them. Sometimes the people we assume will reject or judge us are the people who can give us a shoulder to lean on and good tips on living positively. You might even be shocked to find that those people we are afraid to share our status with, have probably been living positively for the longest period. Do not reduce your life to just living by stigmatising yourself. Live life fully by living positively as HIV is no death sentence.

This years World AIDS Day them is “Take the rights path, my health, my right,” it’s a call for us all to realise the importance of human rights in the fight against HIV and AIDS. And so much has been done by human rights activists in protecting everyone’s health by protecting everyone’s rights. It’s now up to each of us to do our honest part by not self-stigmatising when we find ourselves infected or affected by HIV.

Dealing with self-stigma when living with HIV can be very challenging, but it’s important to remember that your worth is not defined by your health status.

Educate yourself and challenge the HIV misconceptions: the more you know about HIV, the less room there is for fear and shame. Modern treatments, such as antiretroviral therapy (ART), have made it possible to live long, healthy lives with HIV. Being undetectable (meaning the viral load is so low it can’t be transmitted) is achievable for many people with HIV.

Separate fact from stigma: HIV is a virus. It doesn’t define you, and it certainly doesn’t define your value or your future. Stigma often arises from misinformation, so try to distinguish between harmful myths and the facts about HIV.

Practice self-compassion by reminding yourself that being HIV-positive doesn’t make you any less deserving of love, respect, or care. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend facing a similar situation and when negative thoughts about your HIV status arise, try to replace them with more balanced, positive thoughts.

Surround yourself with supportive people and these might be others who are HIV-positive. You’ll hear their stories, share your own, and realise that you’re not alone. Talk to trusted loved ones and this helps navigate feelings of acceptance and reduces self-stigma. Taking care of your body through exercise, nutrition, and rest helps you feel more positive about your health overall. When you feel physically strong, your emotional resilience can improve too. If you encounter individuals who stigmatise or shame you, it’s okay to set boundaries with them. You deserve to be treated with dignity, and no one should make you feel less because of your HIV status. Remember that you don’t have to disclose your HIV status to everyone. Share it with people who are supportive, informed, and trustworthy. Your health is your personal information, and you get to decide who you share it with. Engaging in activism, education, or awareness campaigns about HIV can be healing. By helping others understand the realities of living with HIV, you not only reduce stigma in society but also reinforce your own sense of self-worth and empowerment. Many people live with HIV and lead full, rewarding lives. It’s important to know that your diagnosis does not define you or your future. There are many success stories of people who, despite the stigma, have thrived personally, professionally, and socially.

Healing from self-stigma is a process, and it’s okay to take it one step at a time. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t hesitate to reach out for support from others—whether from a professional, a support group, or a trusted friend or family member.

Seek help when in need, visit a counsellor near you!

Any names or resemblance to actual persons in this article is purely coincidental.

About the author

Aka Monde, is a licensed Professional Counsellor who holds a Master of Science in Counselling from the University of Zambia. She believes in the adage “a problem shared, is a problem half solved.” Speak to your pastor, church elder, elderly family member or see a professional counsellor when in need.

Email: [email protected]