OH no, my president, this is going to cause us a huge problem and we better get our first lady out of the bush quickly before Honourable Christopher Mvunga locates her.

I know you trust her, my President, you don’t have an issue with letting our first lady leave State House and go out there to campaign, but her message will attract the wrong kind of voters.

ESTHER Lungu: “I am the mother of the country and every Zambian needs my breast. That’s why I have been making donations to clubs in seven provinces so far. My target is to reach all provinces of this country and I hope by the grace of God, I will do so. I am doing this because I am your mother and I have to care about you.”

Well yeah, that sounds like a generous offer which should excite people like Honourable Mvunga and his Ministry of Finance, that finally, he can draw some money from the country wide breast feed donations and sort out our economic crisis.

But my President, how sure are you that when Mvunga follows our first lady in Shibuyunji, he will concentrate on milking the breast feed which is on offer, and not seek to ENTERVIEW her since his journalist girlfriend dumped him?

Anyway, my President, I trust your judgment. I am sure you have deliberately unleashed her on the voters so that she can assess the political mood for you since Amos Chanda, Kaizer Zulu have failed you.

ESTHER: “I am calling myself an express mail lady for the people of Zambia because I will take whatever message from the people direct to the President who listens to me. There will be nothing like going to the secretary or middlemen – ba Kaizer Zulu or whatever, Amos Chanda, no! Me it’s direct.”

On Amos and Kaizer, you are spot on ba first lady, the only achievement those two tribal cousins have made in State House is hacking each other. But on Bertha, she is a very hard working secretary and if she is not delivering messages directly to my President, it’s probably because she waits for him to get off the hung-over first – that’s what a good secretary does, you can’t blame her.

So well, carry on ba first lady since my President has allowed you to proceed with that countrywide breastfeeding-the-nation programme.

My only worry now is that when people discover that we are donating sour milk, they will not only vote us out, but also accuse us of causing the cholera outbreak.

That’s it for today

Twitter: @jmwenda29
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