Edgar’s theft

President Edgar Lungu with wife Esther

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MAGISTRATE Kunda Tantameni, please tell me just one thing and I won’t share it with anybody; why did you go ahead to convict Tebby Chilekwa when everybody knew that the man pleaded guilty to a wrong offence?

Your Honour, you and me have the duty to protect the integrity of my President, how did you let Chilekwa get away with a theft sentence instead of convicting him for defamation of the President?

I know I know I know, you are the judge and nobody should question your decisions, and that’s not exactly what I am doing, but did you really pay attention to the details of this matter?

In case I have lost you fellow voters, a teacher of Lusaka’s Chawama compound pleaded guilty this week to stealing a suit, shirt and tie at Levy Mall, all valued at K2,158. Tebby Chilekwa, 29 of unknown house number in Chawama, is facing one count of theft contrary to the Laws of Zambia.

How can a teacher from Chawama go to a shopping mall and steal a suit, at a time when my President is looking fabulous in those fancy slim fits, what is he saying about the source?

Look Your Honour, this guy is not only coming from my President’s constituency, he is a teacher there for goodness sake; what is he saying about what my President learned at school in Chawama?

If you still don’t see the defamation of my President in that, Your Honour, how do you explain this: Teacher Chilekwa leaves Chawama, looks around for a shopping mall named after a President and locates Levy Mall. After catching his breath, teacher Chilekwa decides to go ahead and steal a fancy presidential suit, a shirt and a marching necktie. He then ignores, PEP stores, passes Truworths and goes straight into EDGAR’S!

Magistrate Tantameni, if that is not defamation of President EDGAR Lungu from Chawama compound, tell me one good reason why my President should keep you in employment.

And now, you can imagine what the headmaster’s explanation was to Chilekwa’s pupils when the stupid teacher couldn’t show up because he was detained for theft.

HEADMASTER: “Kids, teacher Chilekwa won’t be coming today because when he was a kid like you he used to pray every night for a new fancy suit. Then he realised that The Lord doesn’t work that way, so he stole one and asked Him for forgiveness. Then he realised that the Law doesn’t work that way, so he decided to get caught and asked a Lawyer for protection. Then he pleaded guilty and realised the Lawyer doesn’t work that way, and now he is screwed!”

That’s it for today.

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