Ministry of Religious Punching

By Joseph Mwenda on 9 Nov 2016

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BECAUSE My President walks the talk, he made sure that immediately after announcing the Ministry of Religious Punching, members of the host church get the very first blessing, or should I say the very fist blessing.

It was at St Andrews Church in Lusaka, and there was no better person to get the first religious beating than St Andrew Kamanga himself.

You can call it unfortunate, but I call it an answer to the question: Why did we fail to qualify to the African Cup? Because we elected a FAZ president who can’t even run!
Apparently when a PF cadre connected a perfectly timed left hook to his eye socket, the best Mr Andrew could do was walk back into church.

But because he is a clever man, St Andrew knew that Mr jobless Kalusha Bwalya was going to make fun of him, so he set a trap; accusing his predecessor of sending people to attack him. He knew Mr Kalusha could not defend himself in vernacular.

Kalusha: “Now that is a serious accusation you are talking about. I left FAZ on the 20th and I’ve never spoken about FAZ but he spoke about Kalusha in press conference…This side I am on the PF now and I said I am going to campaign for Edgar Lungu, now I am a politician. He doesn’t just have to say because now I am going to take ‘regal lecourse’ against him.”

I don’t know which position Mr Kalusha is eyeing in the Patriotic Fisting, but I just wish to remind him that ‘regal lecourse’ doesn’t work anymore in Zambia. Ask Mutembo Nchito how he was fired by a tribunal that didn’t exist.

Oh! And by the way, Mr jobless Mutembo Nchito Street Counsel, when you hear that my President is coming to Baptist Church this Sunday, wear a tracksuit and snickers, ready to Usain-Bolt out of the congregation.

Anyway, let me get busy now, my President has given us a task to find an alternative name for the Ministry of Religious Violence.

Mbinji Mufalo thinks Ministry of Religious Lairs will be appropriate, but I say, since it will be based at the New Tabernacle National House of Prayer, let’s call it: Ministry of Interdenominational Sunday Fisting and Involuntary Teeth Sacrifice. In short MISFITS!

That’s it for today

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