Same or Different?

ARMY Commander Lt General Paul Mihova has written to my President, seeking permission to dismiss the soldier who posted a picture of the Head of State on Facebook next to a cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants with a caption “Same or Different?”

I have no idea why this letter of complaint was sent to Social Trends, but I have no intentions of ignoring it.

So, Staff Sergeant Roy Chafwakale is accused of posting the picture of my President, depicting protruding incisors, next to SpongeBob on April 3, 2015 under a Facebook pseudonym “Muntu Wabulongo”.

Lt General Mihova has therefore written to my President expressing regret over some of his soldiers’ indiscipline and lack of regard for the Commander-In-Chief of the armed forces.

“The senior none commissioned officer has been critical of several governments and command programs. On December 11, 2014, Staff Sergeant Chakwakale posted a picture of the Republican President Mr Edgar C Lungu in a wheelbarrow being pushed by Mr Hakainde Hichilema,” Lt General Mihova reported.

Wait a minute Commander; you mean to tell me that your soldiers are so bored in the barrack that they now spend their recreation time watching cartoons?

I understand that you are a commando yourself General and you got to where you are because you were watching the right movies as a junior officer – I am thinking Rambo was among your favourites, judging by your few words.

And I am sure that as a junior officer at Mushili Barracks, if you were found in a similar situation, you would have portrayed President Lungu as Bruce Lee if you had to, because you were watching the right movies.

But what do you expect from our junior officers at Arakan whom you have allowed to spend time watching family cartoons on free-to-air decoders?

I think this problem is your own making General and you know what to do; don’t involve my President. You know he supports creative arts so asking for his permission to dismiss Munthu Wabulongo is putting him in an awkward position.

And while we are still talking military, Lt General Eric Chimese needs to tone down with his swagger.

Recruiting him into the Air Force was actually the first mistake, I mean, since when did we have such handsome faces joining our military?

I know it’s too late to regret this now, but honestly, who can get scared looking at General Chimese’s baby face?
He even has dimples for goodness sake! Don’t get me wrong, I have heard about handsome savages, but you should look at his smile when he is on parade waiting to greet my President – he makes the other defence chiefs look like they are guarding Prince Charming.

I wouldn’t be surprised to hear that apart from washing his socks with Jik and waxing his boots, Lt General Chimese actually flosses his teeth.

Bwana Chimese, musilikali afunika akakamba HALT!! Nainzi zamvela kuti nyota apunda uku.

I think General, you should have joined the police; that complexion would make a good police spokesperson.

And before I conclude, Lt General Nathan Mulenga, your office issued a statement last week complaining that unscrupulous citizens were claiming that the Zambia National Service was recruiting when in fact not.

Lt General MULENGA: “It has come to the attention of ZNS that there is a service recruitment advert that has been circulating online. We wish to inform the public that the ZNS is not recruiting and the public should ignore the advert.”

I will tell you who said ZNS is recruiting, three days before your statement ba Mulenga.

PRESIDENT Lungu at the agriculture show: “My government wants to enhance the capacity of ZNS in order to improve agricultural. Therefore, government will now recruit 1,000 officers to the Zambia National Service to scale up agricultural productivity in the country.”

Find time to watch the news Lt General Mulenga before you get fired for calling your commander an unscrupulous citizen.

That’s it for today.

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