CONFLICTS amongst people is a reality we all face and every couple has a fair share of their trying times, and so we better be ready for them.
Marital conflicts occur because people are unique and everyone changes and sometimes one partner maydevelop different interests from the ones they had at first. These interests may be relationships with other people, behaviors not accepted by one spouse, domineering habits, careerpursuits and so on and so forth.
These conflicts may take different forms and may be caused by various factors. If not properly handled these differences can ruin a marriage and put innocent children in jeopardy.
Today we shall look at a few of the common conflicts and see how we can avoid them.
This is a terrible sin and its effects can be catastrophic. Marital unfaithfulness involves someone having an affair whilst married to another woman or another man. It may begin by a casual relationship that may grow into something more serious and as such one partner would suffer in some ways. Undoubtedly children may also be caught in the messbecause the cheating parent may spend part of the family resources to maintain the second woman in the love triangle.
One partner may develop habits intolerable by the other. Such habits may include excessive alcohol or drug use, poor time management, interest in illicit pictures/movies, plain mischievousness, and so on and so forth.
Another source of conflict in the home is about money. No doubt money is never enough but when the dime becomes so scarce to the detriment of the family, then conflicts will arise. Money conflicts in the home show up when there’s poor budgeting or one partner is using finances for other purposes other than home provisions.
This, perhaps, is the most common source of differences in the home and if left unchecked, can harm the family. Poor communication is not that people don’t talk, but that they talk amiss. Not listening attentively to your spouse is poor communication. Interrupting your partner is poor communication. ‘Knowing it all’ is bad for communication.
When one partner tries to dominate the other, conflicts may arise. A dictatorial husband bent on ruling over his wife is not the best of spouses. A nagging wife who disrespects and talks down to her hubby can send a man into the streets for the all-time available sex workers.
Notwithstanding, sources of conflicts in the home are many and we can also add relatives, unemployment, lack of consideration for your partner as some of the tell-tale signs that ruin marriages. That being the case, we should make every effort to avoid the above triggers of marital conflicts if our marriages could succeed.
So let’s see how we can avoid some of the besetting causes of conflicts. Unfaithfulness, for example, can only be avoid by sticking to your wife in every situation. Keep your marital vows and remind yourself that no matter how your spouse appear to change, stick to the old broom; it knows all the corners of the house. Whatever differences you may have as a couple, the answer lies in resolving them and not in finding another man or woman. If differences persist pray and seek counselling from people you can trust.
Money matters as a source of conflicts in the home can only be resolved if the couple sits together and iron out the financial problems. It could be that the wife is using the family finances to support her family members without the approval of the husband. Or maybe the husband cannot account for his salary every other month. In some cases just a reduction in income can bring about conflicts. When such happens, level headedness is necessary to sail the ship out of the storm.
To avoid further conflicts couples need to work on their communication skills.Many people mistake talking to communication, this is erroneous. Learn to be a good listener and take turns in talking. When angry don’t say a word. Choose words carefully and be calm when talking, even when you feel aggrieved.
The issue of relatives or looking after dependents sometimes is a source of conflict. While every couple’s first priority is to take care of their biological children, dependents and other vulnerable peoples may find shelter in your home. A balancing act of providing for your children while supporting others is something you must carefully consider.
Pursuit of new careers and picking bad habits have brought conflicts in some homes, so be careful what new habits you start and always keep your spouse in the loop when you want to start a new career, because your partner may not really be happythat you’re a re working out of town.
Conflicts in marriage will come, but let’s learn to use them as stepping stones to better our marriages.
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