Martha sat down to type her request for a transfer. She could not believe it had come to this. A widow at 35, four children below 10 years old and now all she wanted was to leave the capital city. The embarrassment was too much, her home was referred to as “pali baja bana fela ku lodge.” She personally had no issues with her deceased husband’s performance in bed so she couldn’t understand why he was taking sex pills at all, was it to prove to his side chick that he was real man? She knew he wasn’t using them in their home but wondered why he chose to be a starring with a side-chick.

Mr. Hantobolo, at 55 had been hospitalized more than four times. He was found unconscious the first two times after taking sex pills, but this did not stop him from taking the pills again which he was buying off the counter as someone was delivering to his office and the package had no label. Unfortunately, it is not only the elderly men using sex pills but even young men who want to prove that they are real men and can go long hours. Real sex is not the amount of time you spend in the act and real men know that. It is not the price that makes men buy sex pills off the counter but the embarrassment of telling doctors that they have erectile dysfunction. If men shared their bedroom problems with their wives, they would be shocked of the home made safe healthy concoctions their wives would come up with. But how do wives make this for you if you keep it a secret that you need jumpers to start the engine?

We all know someone who has died on top due to sexual stimulant drugs which are usually not even prescribed. Men are resorting to sex pills to improve on their performance and the sad part is this is done not to please their spouses but to please girlfriends. Most men know the dangers of sexual enhancers and they feel the side effects which are usually headaches, muscle pain, indigestion, and back pain but they still go on and use them. And it’s not like they do not know of friends who have died on top of women, but it is shocking that they still go ahead and take them. There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting sexual enhancers if they are prescribed or administered by qualified people and you will find that in our African culture, most sexual herbs are not to be taken daily but are given maybe once and these are not sold on the open market but given out by elderly medicine specialists in the villages.

Erectile dysfunction also known as impotence is the inability to get or maintain an erection. Male sexual arousal is complex as it involves hormones, the brain, muscles and blood vessels. Common health ailments such as heart diseases, high cholesterol, high blood pressure and diabetes mainly impact a man’s ability to get or maintain an erection. While most prescription medications can be useful in the short term, most do more harm in the long run as they increase the levels of nitric oxide that leads to nasal congestions, chest congestion and potentially chest pains that can lead to a heart attack.

Sex pills bought off the counter put one in harms way. You never really know what that pill contains as it may contain banned or harmful substances.

Taking of sex pills frequently reduces the effectiveness of the drugs and hence our brothers are resorting to increasing the dosages on their self-prescribed sex pills. Usually, men advise each other on what pills are good as they sip on their beers and unlike women who advise each other on the best natural remedies available, men seem to have no idea that food can really improve their stamina. Lately, there has been a lot of talk on watermelons but as women, we hope men take this matter seriously.

Some of the common causes of low libido in men include;

• physical issues such as weight gain,

• pornography – which permeates many relationships and changes how men view sexuality as it can cause pseudo low libido

• loss of intimacy when emotional connections are lost

• Medications such as those for anxiety or depression

• Alcohol and drug use – increase in alcohol intake reduces testosterone levels

And causes of loss of libido in women are;

• Life stressors and fatigue

• Medication

• Weight gain – which can cause low self esteem

• Hormonal change – that can drop estrogen levels

• Sexual pain or dyspareunia – pain during sex

• Relationship issues – emotional closeness is essential for women to experience sexual intimacy.

• Previous trauma

The best thing men can do is improve on their lifestyle by making healthier lifestyle choices. Getting enough sleep, exercising regularly, reducing stress levels, limiting nicotine and alcohol intake and maintaining a healthy weight. And for either men or women, talking with a health care professional who specializes in treating sexual health is important in tackling the issue of low libido. The treatment will focus on the main cause and medication or hormone therapy options will be recommended and if the problem is a relationship one, a counsellor may be recommended.

As couples, plan getaway trips and leave kids at home. Don’t go with other couples as this may be a distraction for your reconnection. Set aside time for intimacy to bring the drive back on time. Communication is important, tell each other how you feel and what is lacking and your fears. Encourage each to eat healthy foods such as groundnuts, garlic, rich green vegetables, honey, onions, fatty fish and fish oil are very important, and I almost forgot, watermelons; Zambians seem to be agreeing on this one. Reduce on your stress levels and ditch those bad habits of believing you need a glass of wine or a shot of something before retiring to bed.

To our male folk, the embarrassment you make women go through when the death is as a result of Dying On Top due to sex pills is bad. Please stop the unprescribed tendency of taking sex pills for the sake of your family and children.

Seek help when in need, talk to a counsellor near you!

About the author

Aka Monde, is a licensed Professional Counsellor who holds a Master of Science in Counselling from the University of Zambia. She believes in the adage “a problem shared, is a problem half solved.” Speak to your pastor, church elder, elderly family member or see a professional counsellor when in need.

Email: [email protected]