It was Youth Day on Wednesday, 12 March, and it took me down memory lane. I am at an age where I don’t feel old unless when certain music plays, every person younger than me sings along including my kids and I realise I have never heard it before and meanwhile my kids are vibing to it. My idea of good music are gospel tracks, in love with All for Christ – Zambia, kalindula, mbunga music and when the youth in me comes out, I am a fan of Spice girls, The Corrs and a bit of Venga Boys.

Youth Day brings memories of my late dad. On public holidays, as he never took alcohol, he always spent the day home reading his newspapers and walking out of the yard felt like prison break as he would seat under a tree near the gate. And so, he would say, waza kupi? (where are you off to?) I would kneel and inform him, “It’s Youth Day daddy, I’m off to celebrate,” and made sure I was back home before 18 hours and would use the kitchen door to enter the house and do the dishes even if it wasn’t my turn that day. Now as a parent of teenagers, I think my response wasn’t the best but somehow me and my daddy had a way of understanding each other. At some point, if he found me with a boy taking a stroll in my street, I would simply say, daddy, I told you I wanted to go to a girls only school in grade eight but you made me choose Munali (back then, Munali junior was co-education) saying transport would be easier so that’s my schoolmate and the conversation would end there. Even though he let me have my way, he still had his restrictions of what time I could get back home and he never allowed parties or functions that took place in the evenings, neither did he allow skimpy dressing. And he made a habit of interviewing all my friends and afterwards would give his opinion on who could be my friend. A lot of my friends actually liked my dad due to his stories and thought mum was the strict one but I wish they knew that my daddy only played psychology on them and mum was as peaceful as a dove, still is. I think I took 50/50 of each of their personalities because I can talk as much as my dad and be as quiet as my mum.

Back to the youths, remember that you are the present generation and you will one day grow old. People will look up to you for guidance one day so you need to be wise and wisdom comes through experience. Education sometimes can mislead young people into thinking they know it all but surely, experience is the best teacher and this is something elderly people have and cannot be taken away from them. Elderly people have seen it all, so sometimes as you give your guardians those excuses, we just look at you and remember that we have been there and done it before.

Advice from the elderly is not a lack of trust. Everyone needs a voice of reason every so often.

As a youth, learn about investments early. Most elderly people will attest that in their few years of working, they never thought about savings or investments until they decided to marry. So here goes free advice, invest before you are weighed down with bills and a lot of responsibility that comes with marriage. These bills could be school fees, rentals, diapers, baby formula and black tax from extended family.

They say charity begins at home, stay clean emotionally, mentally and physically. A mentally strong individual will not easily succumb to peer pressure as he/she will know what is best for their future. They say you cannot go looking for tomatoes in a saloon, in the same vein, you cannot go to the most happening joint and expect to meet a spouse there. To the girls in colleges or universities, your future husbands are probably busy in work environments and to the boys, your future wives are probably still in high school. So don’t get too carried away with relationships but concentrate on studies and completing your programmes with good grades. Relationships take time and resources and if you make a mistake, take responsibility for your actions and ask for help when you don’t know what to do. Your parents or guardians mean well for you and can be of great help even when you wrong them by making wrong decisions such as early pregnancies outside of wedlock.

Male youths, you can’t walk into a shop and start tasting food you haven’t bought or cannot afford, so date within your league. If she wants pizza every weekend, wants you to sponsor her nails and you know you are just a student relying on BC, which you sometimes use to cushion your siblings back home, then don’t date her and stick to your league.

Female youths, date because you are compatible and not for his money especially if he is way too old for you. The same way you think his wife has become old fashioned for him, you too will become old fashioned some day and would you want the love of your life to abandon you because you have grown older? Don’t allow yourself to be the reason an elderly woman cries to her God over a husband who no longer shows her love, it just brings bad luck to your life. The karma thing is real.

Many addicts will tell you that they are in the situation they are in because there was a friend who introduced them to a vice. So be careful of the company you keep as friends. They say bad company ruins good morals and trust me it’s true. A friend laughing at you for never trying shisha, a friend laughing at you for not knowing the taste of a cider or the most famous cocktail. Now if you did not join that friend of yours in the first place, you would not be in a situation where you are been laughed at. There is nothing wrong with not affording certain outfits, if thrift (salaula) is all you can afford as a youth, buy just that. Dating someone to sponsor your wardrobe is demeaning yourself as a human being.

I’m grateful to my daddy for his strictness on my movements and the kind of friends I hanged out with. I am where I am in life because my father was strict. I remember missing out on leaver’s ball because I could not even dare to ask for permission to attend knowing how strict he was with movements after 17hours. It is that same strictness that to date, if I go out, it’s to watch a musician perform and it better be in a good location and not a pub because unconsciously, I can still hear my dad say, waza kupi?

They say don’t water dead plants, if you notice a relationship is not working out, end it. Do not stay in situationships that are not going anywhere. So, you are a church person having grown up in a Christian home and you want to get into a relationship where your partner cannot remember the last time they prayed? You do not take alcohol but want to be besties with someone who can finish a whole black label on their own? You and your bestie at work are on the same salary scale but she’s ever flying to dubai for holidays and you know her parents live in one of the densely populated compounds in Lusaka, so wise up and stop admiring a lifestyle you clearly know your friend cannot sustain and afford.

Stay fit by taking care of your health. Eat healthy foods, drink healthy beverages, drink water, your body needs lots of it. Smell good, invest in a good roll-on or perfume that you can afford. Gain knowledge, it’s something no one can ever take away from you. Use your time wisely because we never know how much time we have left, ati “umoyo si wathu.”

And in this era we are living in, when the temptation to turn on that camera and record yourself your is too strong, run away from your gadget. Social media never forgets.15 seconds can ruin your entire future, it’s not worth it. No promise of I love you is worth ruining your future. Do not believe palpitations that come from every part of your body, only the heart pumps blood. Any other part mimics and it doesn’t last. So that urge or feeling will go away in a little while. Acknowledge it and let go, no one has ever died from lacking sex.

When things don’t seem to go your way, be patient. Sometimes the universe just wants us to learn a lesson and protect us. Your friends might easily land jobs immediately after university and these probably were not the best students in class, your friends might easily marry and have kids, they might seem to have it all. Everyone has a path life will lead you through, don’t compare yourself to others but do good always and things will work out for you. There is power in staying with a positive attitude.

Invest in good friendships but let go of the friendships that drain you. Friendships that only call upon you when they are stuck but when life is good, they don’t remember you, those are unhealthy ones that shouldn’t be maintained. Choose people who will give you a boost rather than those who pull you down.

And in life’s journey, people will wrong us or we could wrong ourselves by making wrong choices. Learn to forgive, it’s the best medicine and then set your boundary to avoid repeat patterns.

Write down a roadmap of what you want to achieve in your life and follow it through. Delay is not denial; you can do anything if you put your mind to it. While plans can give you clarity, don’t get obsessed on them. Plans will almost always change so be prepared. Life can be a roller coaster or smooth sailing, so take it with open arms. Remember that how you live your life is a message you give out to the world, it’s your foundation, make it a good one.

And whatsoever job you find yourself doing, do it with all your might.

Seek help when in need, visit a counsellor near you!