ROSES are red, violets are blue. If he was busy on Valentine’s Day, the side chick is you!

THIS is the same arrogance that got Mutembo Nchito in a tiny smelly cell in Chongwe and if you continue acting funny, madam Lillian Siyunyi, instead of acting DPP, you will end up worse.

THE installation of Henry Kanyanta Sosala as Paramount chief Chitimukulu and the colourful Ukusefywa Pang'wena, like every other big ceremony, exposed some disappointing facts.

IF someone told him that he could now inject patients with the doctorate he received from Californian Beverages (or whatever the name of the university), then we must thank Dr Chishimba Kambwili that he first tried it on himself.

I AM not joking, if God doesn’t allow me to go to Heaven, I will kill myself because I can’t afford to miss this epic fight in paradise between Alice Banda and Faith Kandaba.

MAYBE my fear is misplaced, but I am still not going to mess with the American Ambassador on this one because that muzungu looks like he spends some time in the gym.

I STILL don’t understand, how on earth we would confirm that Dr Canisius Banda’s testicles are healthy, just by looking at them.

I DON’T think short people are naturally funny, but Dr Phiri wouldn’t have been this interesting if he was an inch taller.

THIS was the biggest damn rally my President has ever organised; attended by thousands and followed by millions on television.

SOMEONE should tell me when the People’s Party president finally announces which candidate he will vote for next year, maybe then I will be willing to listen to him, because right now he is not making sense to me.