Having spent 5 years living abroad, Maureen was glad to be back home in readiness for her wedding. She was getting married to a fellow Zambian that she had met during her studies. What puzzled her was the emphasis her elderly aunties put on her to be submissive to her husband. Even when she was not undergoing the lessons, the words that she needed to always “keep water in her mouth” kept ringing on her mind. Keeping water in the mouth, meant that she could not answer back her husband as her job as a wife was to be submissive and to keep quiet and stay calm, making sure she never swallows or spits the water.

Mwangala, with her calm demeanor could not believe or understand how somehow could report her for rudeness to her supervisor. She tried so many times to try and remember at what point she could have been rude to any client and no incident was forth-coming. So, she took the bold courage to speak to her supervisor and get more details on what was reported over her alleged rudeness. It turned out it was a fellow colleague and not a client and this brought calm to Mwangala. This colleague seemed to have some unknown beef with her as if in another life, they were arch-enemies. 20 years of service with no client ever having complained was good enough for her and she believed in treating everyone equally and fairly. She understood that in work places, there were always those who expected women to be quiet and accept all manner of ill treatment. Mwangala had seen it all, from her work being sabotaged, where she came up with concept notes that ended up being shelved for so long only to resurface as new ideas with her not involved in the projects or recommendations from some jealous supervisor stating that she was incompetent to take up certain roles that she had initiated. What was puzzling was that if a man did the same task of writing a concept note, no memo would be written to the supervisor of that male to enquire if he could take up the lead role but every time a woman did a write up, a follow up memo would follow to enquire if the supervisor thought she was capable.

Cindy had just landed her dream job and was tasked to work with a supervisor who seemed so friendly in the company but behind that friendly smile, he was sabotaging every effort she made. He deliberately did not add her to work email groups so that she could be updated on meetings and happenings in the organization. Cindy was always last to know on urgent meetings and struggled with meeting preparations especially that load-shedding affected their organization badly and she would be informed after hours that there was a meeting the next day. As an assertive woman, she made a deliberate move to confront her supervisor and ensured there was a witness around when she requested for a meeting to air out her views on how being informed late of meetings happening the next day was negatively affecting her work performance.

Society expects women to be delicate and soft. In this modern era, girls are given equal opportunity in most homes, in terms of house chores and schooling but as soon as they come of age, the gender roles get assigned. Sadly, some men expect these gender roles to be done by every female they come across even colleagues in work places. The effects of conditioning a young lady to go into marriage without a voice in most cases silences her for a long time if not forever. Unconsciously, her mind tends to believe that she should be silent at all times in the presence of the male folk.

Assertiveness refers to one communicating with others in a direct and honest manner without intentionally hurting anyone’s feelings. An assertive woman stands up for herself and defends her rights and those of people around her. She expresses her needs without being aggressive but at the same time without being afraid to speak up. To be an assertive woman, means standing your ground and speaking up and knowing your worth even when people underestimate you.

Many a times, we women prioritize pleasing others over ourselves. We let fear and doubt hold us back as we keep that water in our mouths even in work places, boardrooms or in politics where our voice needs to be heard.

As we contemplate on accelerating action for gender equality as the theme for this year’s International Women’s Day, we need to realise that we were not born to play small, we were born to lead and break barriers.

Knowing our worth is the foundation of confidence, strength and self-respect. It’s the beginning of assertiveness as we begin to realise that we are valuable, capable and deserving of success and happiness as women.
Too many times, as women, we compromise our standards and accept treatment that diminishes our self-esteem, why, because we have been conditioned to “keep the water in the mouth” and believe that asking for more is selfish or that standing up for ourselves is too much.

Knowing your worth as a woman is not arrogance, its self-awareness. When you truly know your worth, you stop chasing people who don’t value you and you stop tolerating environments that drain you and undermine your potential.

An assertive woman stands tall when someone tries to disrespect her and speaks up when her efforts go unnoticed. As a woman, you need to understand that you are not responsible for pleasing everyone hence it’s okay to say no to what does not serve your purpose.

Being assertive as a woman means making decisions that align with your goals and not decisions based on fear of rejection. If you need to get back to school as a woman, do it. If you need to quit that job and feel a business is more ideal, do it, take that bold step. Assertive women who know their worth, don’t settle, they rise and are unapologetic about it!

An assertive woman knows her worth and by knowing her worth, determines how the world treats her. She speaks up knowing that her voice is powerful and is not afraid of being labelled aggressive as she knows that staying silent will send a wrong signal to the world that her voice doesn’t matter. An assertive woman doesn’t raise her voice in conversations but stands firmly in what she believes in and commands respect in every room she enters whether she’s in pumps or louboutins.

An assertive woman will ask to speak to her supervisor and let him/her know that a boundary was crossed as she knows that tolerating unfairness will mean she will always be treated unfairly. An assertive woman always speaks confidently and people listen and respect her. She knows she does not need to apologise for having a voice. An assertive woman’s voice challenges injustice and opens doors for all women.

An assertive woman speaks up when she deserves a promotion or has an idea that can bring change. An assertive woman does not allow any man to turn her body into currency but uses her intelligence to rise.
For too long as women, we have been putting others before us and sacrificing our well-being by saying yes when we mean to say no and taking on too much responsibility that drains us emotionally.

To that woman CEO, motivating and showing the world that women can lead, we thank you for your assertiveness. To that lady in media, showing the world and young girls that influencing in the social media can be decent and respectable, we thank you! To that female musician, who has stood her ground in a world dominated by males, keep it up! To those female doctors in specializations dominated by males, you are doing an excellent job! To those women, raising children by hustling decently, be blessed, we see you! To bamake Chitechi, selling fresh fritters by the road side every morning to be able to feed the household and pay bills, keep up the good works! To that lady, sacrificing her earnings and never affording brand new clothes for herself but pushing her children to work hard in school, be blessed as it will pay off! To that woman waking up in the witching hours to be at Soweto for vegetable orders, be blessed! To the woman, whose husband abandoned her and left her to look after the children all by herself, you are doing a tremendous job raising the children with love! To the women in uniform, serving diligently, we thank you for showing us that women too, can do it! To the women in politics, thank you! To the women on the pulpit, we are grateful for your blessings!

Women, speak up for the promotion you deserve, speak up when you are mistreated! Speak out your ideas that can make a difference! Our voice is our power and we must use it as we accelerate action for gender equality by being assertive!

Seek help when in need, visit a counsellor near you!