Recently an article was published in which the deplorable state of young marriages in Zambia was highlighted. Zambia may have been the focus there but this is actually a representation of a global trend. Naturally this begs the question: why are marriages crumbling?
Most weddings that we attend these days, whether as invited guests or Facebook witnesses, are lavish. Some spend hundreds of thousands to ensure that their wedding is spoken of through the ages: that the guests remember just how spectacular this wedding was. The decor was fit for a queen, the food cooked by the best known chefs and rather than a “common” DJ, a live band or even better, one of Zambia’s most happening artists was enlisted to entertain the guests. Never mind the tailored suits and the hand-stitched wedding dress made to accentuate the brides beauty. These weddings seem to be designed to be the talk of the town.
Except, this is the primary consideration. Precious little time is spent preparing for what comes after the fact: marriage. Counseling is a by-the-way event, a perfunctory exercise to show the parents that there was a semblance of preparation. But for many this isn’t even the case. The woman, because of tradition may be cornered by a bana Chimbusa who may or may not teach them appropriate things. The man is left, even in this traditional setting, to enjoy his beer with the boys. After all, he has “a good job at the bank.”
One spends years in University preparing to get a job – not even a good one – yet assumes that they could possibly do marriage without adequate preparation. Now you may assume that this preparation refers only to the pre-marital counseling I earlier spoke about. It does not. Preparation ought to begin much earlier than when you meet the woman you are to marry. One area that many of us overlook but is critical for a long and successful marriage is self control. The question then is what level of self control do you exhibit? Are you lured by every late night text wantonly sent by a wandering girl? Are you constantly looking for the next opportunity to flatter and be sought after? Are you proud of being the man’s man? That you can get any girl you want?
I ask you to seriously consider this question: after the wedding, once you have got the girl, what would stop this behavior from continuing? Self-control is the hallmark of a man. When everything and every opportunity is in front of you, are you able to say “no”?
One challenge you will discover in marriage is the reality that your wife may not satisfy all your needs. But first, how did you even come to know what these “needs” are? What brought about the idea that you have more needs than your wife can meet? The internet is one of the main culprits, it provides a gateway to countless vices.
Pornography is pervasive and remains one of the greatest killers of marriage. That unquenchable desire for pleasure. The killing and numbing of the mind. The question we must ask ourselves, is: is this relentless pursuit of pleasure worth the killing of our souls, the pain inflicted upon those we say we love and the destruction of the home we vowed to nurture and protect?
I know there is a lot going on in the women’s space as well. I have heard such statements as: most men are archaic and unable to deal with the modern empowered woman. There is much to be said about this and the feminist movement as a whole but for now I keep the focus on men as the success of a marriage depends largely on us.
For those who are married, I humbly challenge you to focus your attention on the pursuit of your wife rather than the pursuit of futile pleasures. You can start by creating a loving environment for your wife and you will see what joy comes as a result. Her submission may be transformed from a grueling task performed under duress to one of joyful surrender to your loving and selfless leadership. She will no longer feel the burden of insecurity caused by your wandering attentions or the compulsion to check your phone for competitors. But treat her anything less than you are called to and you will hear Proverbs 27:15 ring loud and true; a quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm.
Lastly, for those seeking to marry, if you go into the marriage, hoping to be “completed” you will quickly be slapped into reality. No woman, no matter how beautiful, can complete you – that place is reserved for your Creator!
4 Responses
Amen to that, whoever the author is article. The woman is not capable to love, she is your play toy, she loves attention, she is a flower garden that needs to be taken care of. Just as the bible says, Ephesians 5 Jesus loved the church more than his own life and died for it . And the man is commanded to love the woman his wife the way he loves himself. 1 Corinthians 11, the man is the reflection of Jesus Christ, while the woman is the reflection and glory of the man. The behaviour in the woman is directly related to the man’s hidden behaviour. The woman ‘s emotions are very sensitive, she knows exactly when there’s no connection with her husband when he walks in to that door emotionally. You can’t cheat her, if she is that missing rib which was missing or removed from the man. The man called her woman, a part of me with a womb genesis 2, how are you going to cheat her?. Wonderful article.
Very good write up. I hope many men will read and appreciate this.
While we appreciate the writer’s opinion as to the causes of marriage break downs now days, we must also appreciate the time we are living in. There are so many factors affecting the well being of a person including the institution of marriage. While we uphold cultural and biblical teachings and best practices that have played a significant role in the life span of marriages, there are many factors not favouring marriage today and the better we realise and accept the global trends the better for the preservation of the institution. Some factors include globalization, gender equity and equality, women rights, literacy among women, many authorities, propensity for good living, material poverty, culture and religion, quest to be elite among women, women disposition to money, executive jobs and politics, women sexual orientation, early physical maturity of under age girls, and many more. The question we can ask ourselves is, with what is happening with the marriage institution today, does it call for marriage institution reforms to preserve the marriage institution?
You can’t argue with this article. Thank you.