Parallel parking

ALL I want to hear right now is, ‘what is Zindaba Soko doing about the parking challenges that our diplomats are facing?

You must be ashamed Mr Zindaba that you and your RTSA do not conduct special parking lessons for the diplomats we send to serve in left-hand-drive countries.

It’s your fault that our secretary of communication at the United Nations, Langford Banda whom I personally know to be a very hardworking citizen, was recalled for merely trying to park on top of the NYPD van in a congested city like New York.

You may laugh at him today because the propaganda story you heard was that he rammed into a police car, but it was a simple left-hand-side parallel parking problem; which is nothing unusual.

Take Anthony Mukwita for example; are you telling me that attempting to park his Benz in the branch manager’s office at Southern Sun Barclays Bank last week was an indication of his bad driving skills? Hell no!

Brother Tonny has been driving for many many years, and not one day did we hear that he has bashed anybody along Longolongo Road, or Church Road, until now after you sent him to Sweden without left-hand-drive parking tips.

And it has nothing to do with too much beer drinking, because I have never heard before that a speeding Zambian diplomat in a left-hand-drive country has killed a pedestrian, apart from in Congo, but Congo doesn’t count because there are no laws in DR Congo.

If you have been to Congo Mr Zindaba I am sure you agree with me that in that country, the law is the heavily armed police officer in front of you, the penal code is his mouth and the judge is his pocket. Even a security guard can mount a roadblock in Congo.

If he sees that your wipers and indicators are working perfectly, he will then demand to see if the headlights are also faultless by flashing them one by one (kimo, kimo). How??
He can even ask to see your death certificate if you prove to be too smart… until at least you leave some reasonable dollars – and they hate their local currency, eish!

Anyway, back to the topic. So like I said, it’s always just the parking which is giving our diplomats a problem; because even if you tell me that brother Tonny had one too many for one night, how did he manage to drive all the way from the ‘watering hole’ to the hotel in the middle of a load-shedded moonless night? Unless you tell me that he had a hardcore navigator on the passenger seat…

Unless you tell me that he had a hardcore navigator on the passenger seat… Wink

That’s it foe today

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