And true to the perception that Chinese products are not durable, eight Zambia Police recruits from China went to sleep as Police Commissioners and Superintendents on Monday but woke up as civilians on Tuesday. Too bad for those who don’t have a sense of humour because they will die twice under the PF regime; the bad governance will kill their businesses and the political drama will depress them.
We have seen free comedy in the PF government that you would pay a fortune to watch at the Lusaka Play House. In fact, this could be the reason why Bob Nkosha and his fellow acclaimed comedians are not heard that much lately. Topsy Sikalinda couldn’t afford his bills from comedy anymore and had to get a better paying job at the Zambia Revenue Authority because PF has taken over the laughter business in the country.
Ever since PF came into power, Diffikoti and Bikkiloni went out of business; they are no longer funny to many of us. We used to laugh at their jokes in 2005 because they used to make us imagine impossible situations. They would create scenarios of looking for directions to State House so that they could persuade president Levy Mwanawasa to amend the Constitution.
Diffikoti who played leader of “Kudya Nikusheta” Party and Diffikoti who played the role of “Manyozo Forwarding Party” president, were advocating for silly, stupid constitutional reforms and unthinkable government policies, which we are now seeing in real life today.
“My name is Bikkiloni, president of MFP (Manyozo Forwarding Party), the most popular party in the world, especially among the kaponyas and eagle eagles! To the level whereby, Nichokela pakati pa Misisi and Chawama, ndiye kwamene ninkhala (I come from an area between Chawama and Misisi compound, that’s where I live)” Bikkiloni would say, portraying a very violent party.
“Ine ndine president wa Kudya Nikudyelatu baba osati kusiyako (Me, I am the president for Eat and don’t leave anything) I am a ‘marriage’ person naku church nimayenda maningi baniziba, (they know me at church) I am stay kutali maningi, Ku Mozambique, ku Egypt, ku Morocco, na iyi ziko yamene ili pafupi na Congo which is Argentina in Bulawayo, tinayendako konse,” Diffikoti would say, boasting of being a very well travelled leader.
The video clip “Bikkiloni and Diffikoti political interview” is still there on YouTube for those who would like to see why comedians are no longer making money because the PF is doing, in real life, what comics portrayed as impossible political drama.
“What are your policies?” Muvi TV, journalist Charity Mtonga would ask and they would both answer: “No police in our parties! We are not working with the police.” “What contributions would you like to make to our country?” Charity would press them, and Bikkiloni would suggest; “In the Constitution, why can’t we have criminals wearing uniforms so that people should clearly see that there are the criminals stealing. Diffikoti would suggest that the education system be changed to allow pupils start school from grade 12 and finish in grade one, so that by the time girl children get pregnant, they would have already passed through secondary school which is more important.
Maybe that’s the explanation as to why the Ministry of Higher Education spent K8.5 million on ‘ghost’ students. The Auditor General was looking for the bursary students at the University of Zambia and Copperbelt University, not knowing that the scholars were graduating as pupils at Nyumba Yanga primary school.
In short, there is no doubt that comedians have lost business to PF. In fact, politicians in government have swapped roles with comedians. That is why if you saw Diffikoti today, you would not recognise him, he is too smart and definitely not funny. But the mayor of Chipata today is wearing exactly what Diffikoti was wearing on stage 10 years ago; and your ribs are cracking from laughter. When you hear Mumbi Phiri say “If the police have failed to deal with HH, they should move away so that we sort him out with our youths”, remember that it’s exactly what Bikkiloni was talking about in that video. It seemed funny on Muvi TV Comedy Hour then, and it’s more hilarious now because it’s on ZNBC TV main news.
The PF is here to entertain us, not to govern. That is why, if you recall, President Michael Sata went to the extent of appointing a fellow comedian Ben Phiri as Permanent Secretary and when people laughed enough, he revoked the appointment before the guy could even report for work – as if to prove, in a hilarious way, that there is nothing permanent about a Permanent Secretary.
So this recruitment and subsequent ‘dismissal’ of Chinese recruits in the Zambia Police Service should not make you die of depression. In fact, give the Police Command some credit for trying to recruit Tai Chi masters in the service, considering how much they get clobbered by Munir Zulu and his PF thugs. It would have been nice to see Kennedy Kamba and Max Chongu shouting “ulalya iyi!” with their fists, against Bwana Choncholi with his Shaolin Kung Fu kick in the air.
Once again, dear readers; just laugh your problems out; doctors recommend it’s for good health. If you think this news was so depressing to your life, think about the dogs in the police department which were supposed to work with Chief Inspector Jackie Chan. Commissioner Nelson Phiri would have gone to fetch his night patrol dogs only to find knives and some chopsticks in the cages.