Evans had just been promoted to the position of Director at his workplace. It felt good to wake up to prepare to report to his new office. As he parked his car in the new slot, he could see the big smiles on the security men’s faces and he assumed they were happy for him. As he walked into the office building, he felt like he was walking on air and he made himself comfortable awaiting for the email from the CEO introducing him as the new director to all the staff. As he was making himself comfortable in the new office, trying to re-arrange the picture frames and all, his phone which was on low volume kept lighting up and he quickly picked it, anticipating congratulatory messages from his close friends and family but he was in shock to see nude pictures of himself in a hotel room. What in the world was this, for a moment, his heart skipped, he felt a sharp pain on his left side. The pictures were not only from family but from work mates and a deacon from church as well. And then a message popped up from his wife which he failed to open.
Evans had moved to a small town to take up a job in a mining company as Assistant Director of Human Resource and two years later, the Director position fell vacant, he applied and scooped the position. His family remained in Lusaka and he would make visits every after two weeks. As fate would have it, he once sat next to a beautiful lady who was his junior in high school but he could not remember her at all as she had blossomed into a beautiful woman. She reminded him that he was her class prefect and he pretended to remember because she was now this beautiful irresistible lady. It turned out the lady had travelled to the small town to visit her elder sister who had just given birth. They exchanged contacts, kept in touch and she became a frequent visitor of her sister, thanks to Evans who sponsored the trips.
He vividly remembered the room in the picture and this was after a night of drinking in celebration of the girlfriend’s birthday and what he could not remember was when the pictures were taken as he had too much to drink on that evening. His wife back home had just been appointed to a top government position. How does he face her? How does he face his elders at church? What will his in-laws say? What about his strict dad who was a retired pastor? What will his son, a first-year college student think of him? The message from his best friend read, “fi sanga abauume.”
The use of social media significantly impacts mental health. It enhances connections, increases self-esteem and gives a sense of belonging but can lead to stress, pressure to compare one’s self with others and increased sadness and isolation. We cannot run away from social media in our daily lives as we interact with friends and family. We receive invitations to public and private events, join online community groups using social platforms. Social media, while providing opportunities to enhance the mental health of users by facilitation of social connections and peers’ support, can potentially affect one in a negative way. Concerns over body image shaming, cyberbullying, feelings of missing out when you see friends publish lavish holidays, can lead to depressive symptoms. The endless scrolling and the dopamine rush from likes and notifications contribute to compulsive behaviour and a need for validation that makes people post indecent dressing, which bring about many likes. The nature of online interactions results in superficial relationships and a lack of genuine connections that undermine social interactions offline.
Cyberbullying has a profound effect particularly among adolescents. The anonymity the internet provides makes some individuals engage in harmful habits of bullying. Most cyberbullying is from offensive comments where people will just tell you you are ugly, or your partner is not good enough for you. Government can also help by ensuring “safe social media use” is taught in school in health education.
For most adults, the urge to check news or look through their social pages at inappropriate times such as when one is in an important work meeting, church or any other work event can be overwhelming. You find an adult scrolling through their phone when they should be concentrating in a meeting and this develops learned helplessness of giving in to an unnecessary need.
A phone alert notification spurs a release of dopamine and hence a lot of people cannot do without their gadgets. A strategy to control this could be turning off notifications and giving yourself a time frame in which to check for messages and sometimes to stay offline. We all manage good hours being offline when sitting for examinations, in church or taking a flight so it is manageable.
Social media is therefore, problematic if it causes you to neglect face to face relationships, distracts you from work or school or leaves you feeling envious, angry or depressed. And if you are motivated to use social media because you are bored or lonely or simply to make others jealous or upset, then re-evaluate how social media is impacting your mental health by reducing how much time you spend on social media. Most of us access social media to kill moments of loneliness, the challenge I pose to you is to pause for a moment, the next time you are going online and clarify your motivation for doing it. Find time to meet friends face to face and have tea, chat or a drink of maheu and leave your phone in the car or better still, in your bag if you are a lady, in short, set aside family time where phones are off.
Sadly, for some couples, even on a date night out for dinner, you will find couples scrolling on their phones when they are supposed to be enjoying listening to each other’s company. As for our teenage children, lets keep them away from their phones at certain times of the day, especially not allowing them to go to sleep with their phones as this is the time they get into unnecessary and unhealthy chats that lead them astray. Let’s teach our children that social media is not an accurate reflection of people’s lives as people only post what they want you to see and images are manipulated.
When an individual has had a scandalous video or picture leaked on social media, it has a significant impact on the mental health of the victim. This exposure leads to feelings of injustice and betrayal as well as personal attacks on personal and moral attributes and it leads to serious depression that makes one turn to alcohol, drugs or substance abuse and in severe cases, thoughts of suicide. The loss of trust by family members and friends makes the victim struggle with psychological distress. One begins to experience organisational stigma at their work place or in their line of work as society detaches or looks at you in certain way. Just walking into a chain store and a cashier greeting you innocently gives you the shivers that maybe they are aware of your scandal. Women in our society are more hurt and stigmatized when they are found in a scandal and as evidenced by the recent media outbreak of some room somewhere, people now know the lady’s name, but no one has bothered to mention the name of the man involved.
A question one may ask is why leak to social media such videos or pictures? Humans are social beings by nature, so they want to share information with loved ones. In most cases, it’s an issue of one sharing with one close friend in seeking empathy, who also in turn shares with another close friend and it goes on and on till the story goes viral.
Anyone who becomes famous in a scandalous way, deserves love and affection from family members and friends because its not easy to cope with the stress of thinking the entire society is against you and knows your story or have seen your naked pictures or video. People might seem strong but when the night is silent and it is time to sleep, the thoughts of being a disappointment floods one’s mind that the victims often resort to alcohol to sleep or use sleeping pills. Seeking counselling for the person who has had a media scandal is very helpful and close family members are also encouraged to attend so that they benefit from the counselling as well because whether or not they distance themselves, they are equally affected by virtue of being close to the victim. And may we remember that the good book says, “cast not the first stone.”
Seek help when in need, visit a counsellor near you!
About the author
Aka Monde, is a licensed Professional Counsellor who holds a Master of Science in Counselling from the University of Zambia. She believes in the adage “a problem shared, is a problem half solved.” Speak to your pastor, church elder, elderly family member or see a professional counsellor when in need.
Email: [email protected]
