Skirt counsel

LAZ President Linda Kasonde: File picture

I DON’T like this kind of stampede around my Linda

Before she was elected, none of you realised the kind of gem she was, and now that the spotlight is shining on her flair, you all want to exaggerate your acquaintance with her.

Mr Chisuwo Hamwela sir, you may be a learned counsel, senior counsel or state counsel, but you are certainly not the smartest skirt counsel around town.

I campaigned very hard, directly and indirectly, for my Linda to become the first female president of the Law Association of Zambia and I am glad that she is ignoring attention-seeking detractors like you and telling the nation what it needs to hear.

Linda KASONDE: “Following the enactment of the constitution amendment Act number 2 of 2016 which came into effect on 5th January, 2016, the constitution of Zambia ceased to provide for the office of deputy minister. We therefore seek an interim relief, pending the hearing and determination of this petition an order restraining the 64 ministers, deputy ministers and provincial ministers from drawing salaries and allowances tied to their offices from the revenue.”

Now, that’s the kind of courage we want at LAZ, not when my President farts the entire association stands up dancing to his tune.

No offence Mr George Chisanga, but your successor is hot! In fact, she is too hot to haunt, so if you have issues with the way she is dancing with the LAZ agenda now, please change the club coz we love her. Of course we loved you too but I mean, just look at her, ministers refuse to vacate office, my Linda is there; cadres hack one another, my Linda is there; refugees are stranded, my Linda is there – who can’t love my Linda?

Her enthusiasm for justice actually explains why the judiciary statue is a woman, and strictly speaking, I think while we still have the most erotic deputy minister of finance who can willingly spend on such a cause, we must build a Linda Kasonde statue at the High Court to replace the old one.

I have no idea what kind of support you are getting from your fellow lawyers, but we are feeling your heat out here. Even my President loves a challenge; he actually enjoys the hard staff – ask his throat. And being a lawyer also, he will take you on from whichever position. Wink!

That brings me to my point. You guys are all lawyers, but you have come up with so many conflicting positions on this matter that by now you all look like a crazy bunch of educated criminals. The so-called Attorney General who sends Debonairs pizza to his imprisoned murder convict friend says ministers must leave office, my President says they can legally stay, you say it’s legally insane – who will we believe?

How can the law be straight if the lawyers are not? No wonder I am telling Mr Hamwela that after my law school, I will be the best skirt counsel this country has ever seen.

With my Linda on my side, we will perform intense wonders in this country. Right now I am raising money to go to California so that I can also get a doctorate because the jealous morons at UNZA have told me that I can’t enroll for a part time bachelors programme without a first degree.

Imagine my Linda, since when did one need a first degree to enroll for a bachelors programme? Are you telling me all those lawyers who feel up Portico restaurant on Friday’s had first degrees before going to law school?

It’s just utter jealous, but don’t waste time with them. Men like that don’t appreciate a woman. You will give them your heart and they will tell you ‘no thank you I want your boobs!’

That’s it for today

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