Lusaka is sadly earning a bad name, they say its for “Selling,” and this is not something we should be proud of. Sex work, “Selling” is a phenomenon that has developed and many youngsters are choosing this career path as a result of societal pressure as it gives easy money.

There are a lot of things you’ll try at least once in a life time, shop lifting as a student for fun, smoking a joint, skipping class and heading to Siavonga or Samfya beach when you should be on campus, getting a tattoo in a spot your guardians will not see, taking alcohol or “towing” and some things between the sheets that should remain there. But documenting your sex life for you and your partner’s viewing pleasure? It sounds sexy and fun, but is it really? And more importantly, is it worth the risk of maybe accidentally being uploaded to the cloud? Phones can go missing or get stollen, they can fall in the wrong hands and then what? For those in long distance relationships, they might say, “why not?” For others, it happens at the spur of the moment, you are busy and someone picks up his phone and begins to record, you try to stop him and he says, “if you love me, baby let me do this.” The lady might not be comfortable with the idea of recording but because the guy begs and says, “would you rather am watching other girls instead of you?” And the girl gives in because she trusts and loves the guy.

People make sex tapes when there are many repercussions of having your sex tape released and the world watching you in the most intimate and vulnerable moment. So, why do people do it anyway? Some people do it for fun. Our phones are a diary for every moment in our lives; some people send nude pictures and other sexual videos to each other as it just seems like the next step for some. To others, its self-eroticism, there are psychological reasons why people love to record themselves having sex. Self-eroticism is when you get turned on by watching yourself have sex. Many people typically use their partners as objects when the main focus is on themselves. Watching themselves over again in that same position can cause them to feel aroused. This self-eroticism is linked with narcissism, which is an excess love for oneself and wanting to see yourself idealised in a sexual position.

Another issue that now concerns women and drives them to participate in sex work and act contrary to social standards is narcissism and attracting the attention of others. Always wanting to be the centre of attraction hence dressing provocatively.

There is also a faint chance that it is done for notoriety which means doing something bad or being involved in a scandal to gain fame, popularity and clout from the aftermath of the sex tape.

Notwithstanding all of these, the risk of having your sex tape out there, remains. As Africans, sex is not something done in the open and it is a preserve for marriage which when done out of wedlock, becomes a shameful act.
To the ladies who find themselves under pressure to give in to a sex recording and prove their love to a man, you do not have to prove your love to anyone. A man who loves you will not only lust after your body but will treat you with enough respect to not try and record your intimacy. Not every one who desires you is capable of valuing you. Stay true to who you are and you will always attract those who value you. You do not need to impress a man by agreeing to doing stuff and getting recorded for a minute of pleasure for a trip abroad, a few dollars, kwacha or a message that says you have received ka “sumthing” in your mobile account.

Always have your senses intact when it comes to intimacy, being high on alcohol or drugs distorts your judgement and you cannot make a good decision or remember what you are doing and may end up finding yourself in a scandalous video.

Compared to the recording, the actual sex act is far riskier. There are sexually transmitted infections and you must remember that if he wants to record, chances are high that he wants to do it in order to show other people and no female, is comfortable with sharing her body with the whole world to see.

Everything might be great now but you never know what’s around the corner, a bad break up might happen and you need to know and remember that once it gets on the internet it’s out there forever, do you want kids to see it in 10 years? your employer? your parents or other family members? Think long and hard about it.

In today’s society, materialism has intensified and moral values have been devalued as a result encouraging young females to participate in sex in exchange for money. Despite advancements in communication technology, ethical and traditional values have diminished in the modern world, while materialistic ideals have become more prevalent. As a result, people disregard societal moral standards, practices, and dominant ideals in order to satisfy their wants.
Virginity is seen as a symbol of purity, females who unintentionally engage in sexual encounters have their whole lives shattered and this often leads them to participate in sex carelessly due to the trauma from their sexual assault.

Despite the fact that women’s employment has increased in recent decades, there are still numerous barriers to their presence, and many females feel uncomfortable at work in some situations. This workplace insecurity makes others resort to affairs for economic reasons or threats, they may have no choice but to accept the sexual advances from their coworkers due to financial constraints or a prospect of favours and promotion.

“Selling” is influenced by a variety of factors, including family structure, societal pressure, social instability, consumerism, and a passive and ineffectual mentality. So, social damage may be avoided by improving women’s social status, boosting economic support, strengthening intra-family connections, raising self-esteem and self-efficacy, learning how to deal with life’s issues, and making society safer, particularly in the workplace and in institutions of learning.

To families who have been hit by a scandal or public ridicule, getting professional counselling help is very important. A simple stare by a stranger in the car park, at the mall or church will get you thinking they are referring to the scandal that has befallen your family such as the leak of a sex tape. So as young people, especially ladies, remember that as you allow yourself to be recorded, its not just you but your entire family that will be affected if or when that video leaks.

If you find yourself stuck between a rock and a hard place, with society judging you harshly for the wrong decisions you made, let that old chapter stay closed. Stop reliving the past, yesterday may have hurt but today and tomorrow can be good. Don’t look back on yesterday and don’t be tempted to accept sexual offers which will always be there to degrade you as a human being. You have the power to determine your tomorrow by the decisions you make today.

At the end of the day, making a sex tape seems to be more trouble than it is worth.

Seek help when in need, visit a Counsellor near you!

About the author

Aka Monde, is a licensed Professional Counsellor who holds a Master of Science in Counselling from the University of Zambia. She believes in the adage “a problem shared, is a problem half solved.” Speak to your pastor, church elder, elderly family member or see a professional counsellor when in need.

Email: [email protected]