Heads will roll

THIS was the biggest damn rally my President has ever organised; attended by thousands and followed by millions on television.

You know it was one hell of a big rally because even the opposition couldn’t resist it.

And if you still don’t agree that my President is the smartest Head of State in Zambia’s history, that’s your problem.
But one thing for sure is that, whether you like it or not, on October 18 every year, you will commemorate this mammoth national rally in memory of my President. And by law, you will not be allowed to go to work! What a genius!

I think it was also smart not to call it the “day for PF”, because then everybody would have boycotted. But the “day for Prayer and Fasting” made the trick – again, ingenious!

And I hear Wynter Kabimba stole the limelight after he sent the Rainbow to represent him – damn it! That guy likes attention; that explains his love for bodyguards.

Talking about the rainbow, I think Sunday was dull. I don’t mean Sunday the day when this was happening, I mean Sunday the Christian Voice pastor who interpreted the appearance of the rainbow.

SUNDAY Sinyangwe: “The rainbow is a sign of our covenant with God. A same sign which God sent to Noah as a promise that he will never use water to destroy mankind again. This is a sign that our economy will receive healing and Zambia shall rise again.”

But brother Sunday, the rivers are drying up, the water levels at Kariba Dam right now can’t even generate electricity to propel the economy, causing massive job loses. And your interpretation of the rainbow is that, water will never be used to destroy mankind again?

You see, that’s what happens when you start quoting the scripture, interchangeably with the exchange rate.
And I don’t even believe that Wynter’s Rainbow was the real spectacle at this day of P & F, because frankly, people in Kenya and South Africa didn’t care much about the optical phenomena, as our starving brothers and sisters did at the Lusaka Showgrounds.

But I will tell you who stole the real limelight. The dove! Yes, the stupid little UPND bird that refused to fly away to symbolise that there is peace in Zambia. That’s right people, my President’s dove flew away, but Rupiah Banda’s refused to go.

And Rupiah be like: “Muyangu mwamupasa nkunda ya Sata, yambululuka neo mwanipasa nkunda ya HH amambala kuti mungeti nina machimo.” LOL.

I am still trying to figure out which one deserves an award; the State House monkey that urinated on his head or the dove that refused to deliver the message of his acquittal to the heavens.

Anyhow, while all this was happening, the outgoing Minister of Finance was meditating in his sleep.

Honourable Chikwanda, you can’t be sleeping while the rest of the country is trying to fix the economy on your behalf; what kind of arrogant man are you?

Anyway, Kambwili is giving all this a seven-day ultimatum. If the kwacha continues gaining weight instead of gaining value, heads will roll!

That’s it for today.

Twitter: @jmwenda29
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Joseph Mwenda

About Joseph Mwenda

Joseph Mwenda is a Zambian journalist experienced in political news writing, photography and video editing.
Email: joseph [at] diggers [dot] news

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