SOMEONE should tell me when the People’s Party president finally announces which candidate he will vote for next year, maybe then I will be willing to listen to him, because right now he is not making sense to me.

Mike MULONGOTI: “Go in the streets and look for people who are happy with President Edgar Lungu; I am yet to meet one. People are angry and they are hungry; they are not happy. When God created us he said, ‘Look after everything, including animals’, but what have we done? We have failed to look after ourselves as human beings. Animals in the bush are living better than us, and I think that’s very sad. We need to do something about that.”

So, Mr Mike, if you find out that animals in the bush are living better than you, what are you still waiting for? Go and join the baboons in the wild and leave my President alone.

That is why if you check, will you notice that, apart from your mouth for speaking, the same God put some limbs on you so that you can move from one habitat to another?
I don’t know which National Park suits you best, but whichever you will choose, don’t go and tell the monkeys your cheap story that all the human beings are angry with my President because that’s a lie.

You think people on the streets are all hungry and angry, but that’s only because you went to the wrong street.

Maybe as you head out into the wilderness to start your good living, use Brentwood Road off Independence Avenue and see if you will recognise the fat ministers on that street.

Are you sure Honourable Chishimba Kambwili’s stomach is hungry? Of course you may find his face quite angry, but that’s just naturally how he is; inside, he is a very happy man.

So, stop whining, Mr former Honourable, and be grateful like the Easterners. I am sure my President’s tribesmen are so proud of what he has done so far.

Gabriel SAKALA: “Maybe the wild animals will vote for him, because every time we hear that he is in Eastern Province, he is in Mfuwe, or we will hear that he is in Luangwa, watching animals, he has no time for us.

Wait…! No wonder Mr Mulongoti wants to go and scavenge with the hyenas in the bush – that’s where the partying takes place, right?

I mean if my President is visiting wild animals’ homes more frequently than humans’, then wait for me ba Mulongoti I am joining you.

Let me just get us some toothpicks. I don’t think they serve those in the wild since my President doesn’t need them.

That’s it for today!

Twitter: @jmwenda29
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