I THINK the Zambia Congress of Trade Unions and my President should stop calling each other stupid, even though they may both be right.

GREAT! Now Mr Telesphore Mpundu and your Zambia Episcopal Conference can go to hell – my President just secured his salvation directly from the Pope! Not just any other Pope, but Pope Francis the ex officio Bishop of Rome and sovereign leader of the Vatican City as well as the coolest Pope in the history of cool Popes.

GIVE me J, give me E, give me S, give me U, another S, what do we have? JESUS! Amen church, give Christ a clap offering...

I NEVER imagined in my life that one day I would be congratulating a murderer for good behaviour, but Mr Mathew Mohan deserves a medal.

IT’S okay to call them Pirates of the Kariba’n because people think Dora Silya and other hijackers of Michael Sata’s Patriotic Front are happy.

AND I wonder where Jean Kapata is when my sister Dora is toiling alone with my President.

MY brain, if indeed I have any, processes at a very slow speed, so I wondered why most men on Facebook were repeatedly saying “We are BEHIND you Honourable!”

ALL I want to hear right now is, ‘what is Zindaba Soko doing about the parking challenges that our diplomats are facing?

WITHOUT pre-emptying Uncle Bob Bashi Nono Sichinga’s advise to Christopher Mvunga, I would like to assure the minister of one thing: Sir, you are screwed!

I DON’T care about your manifesto, just show me your groove and you have my vote.