WITHOUT pre-emptying Uncle Bob Bashi Nono Sichinga’s advise to Christopher Mvunga, I would like to assure the minister of one thing: Sir, you are screwed!

I DON’T care about your manifesto, just show me your groove and you have my vote.

Chishimba KAMBWILI: “If talking about tribalism the way I did on TV is an offense, then I am hundred per cent guilty and I am ready to be hanged.”

WE will get to GBM’s insults later, but first I need your help fellow voters. You see, I was quick to tell my daughter that there is never a time when insulting is appropriate.

MY only piece of advice to you Dr Christine Kaseba is, don’t you dare invite Chishimba Kambwili to your running mate party because right now he is choking with envy and shame.

I DIDN’T go for the funeral because I hate that part when someone has to stand up in church and explain the cause of death.

SINCE Mr Elias Chipimo doesn’t smoke weed, I can only assume that he announced his decision to withdraw from the 2016 presidential race under the influence of madstupidiosis.

IT remains a mystery where this bullet came from, but one thing that is clear is that two gunshots were fired in the air at Chrismar and one of them is still missing.

BECAUSE My President walks the talk, he made sure that immediately after announcing the Ministry of Religious Punching, members of the host church get the very first blessing, or should I say the very fist blessing.

AQUELLOS que nunca han visitado México pensarán Antonio es estúpida.